this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
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Shitting on Poly people seems still fashionable.
I think I understand why people hate on them. First, cheaters in monogamous relationships. What people don't realize is that there are cheaters in Poly relationships to. It's actually a ton of extra work making sure everyone and their wishes are respected.
Second, religious fundamentalists. People think of Mormons mostly when thinking of Poly people. Misogyny, religous indoctrination, all the worst shit you can think of. Not all Poly people are religious you know.
Polyamorus people deserve marriage equality. They deserve to love the way they want.
Ive seen about 5 open marriage relationships first hand as part of my social circle, and maybe another 10 open dating relationships in the same expanded social circle. All hetero relationships, and I'd say slightly more than half of them were initiate by the woman. All "progressive" / non-religious poly.
This has been about a 15 year period, and every single one of those relationships at this point is over, or on deaths door.
My closest friend at one point was one of those, and I watched him slowly get more and more depressed over 6-8 months before opening up to me about it. He was critical of me passing judgement on poly relationships until I told him "OTHER people are capable of poly relationships. YOU are not." And that's really my only criticism to poly stuff. It is possible to be two well adjusted people participating in a long term mutually consensual polyamorus relationship. But those are about as common as rolling a natural 20 in the sample set of poly relationships. The rest are just headed for the garbage and at least one person in the relationship already knows it.
Real Polyamorus deserve marriage equality and to love the way they want. Most of the others are just virtue signaling and wearing it like a fashion statement, which is why they get made fun of.
I think a lot of people have the experience of dating someone who does not reveal they are poly until it is too “late.” I have a friend who is constantly meeting people and then learning that they already have a boyfriend, which is extremely frustrating.
My ex husband also decided that he wanted to be poly. I was okay with it (I had no interest in pursuing other relationships myself) - but then he decided to throw our marriage away so he could chase legal teens half our age…
The worst part is that you are supposed to feel “compersion” or something. It wasn’t enough to let my husband fuck teenagers, I had to be happy about it. It made me feel absolutely horrible and devastated my self esteem.
The poly lifestyle also sort of encourages you to view relationships as means to an end and disposable. You see this person for your sex needs, this person for your emotional needs and so on. It’s not a lifetime partnership.
Relationships are a lot of hard work. I don't get where people get the time to do that with multiple partners.
Hating Mormons for polyamory is like hating Hitler for being vegan.