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How do you navigate loneliness when striving to break free from societal norms? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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The title pretty much says it all. I've always struggled to connect with others, but the farther I find myself outside of societal norms, the harder it gets.

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[–] [email protected] -2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I'll give my humble opinion here, I'm not a professional of course.

DISCLAIMER: This is just an opinion, from an anonymous random person from the internet. I'm not a professional, and I don't know you. However, if you can't handle it yourself, I do suggest to try to do it with a professional.

What you feel is not loneliness, but the real feel of freedom. You tag it as loneliness because you have never felt it before, and (I guess) nobody around you can acknowledge that because they are attached to social norms, meaning they are not necessarily free as they want to.

Breaking from social norms create a sudden big space in your life, where one can call it freedom, and one can call it loneliness.

It's up to you what you feel this space with, and how you look at it. And it's only you who can acknowledge it, nobody else.

Generally I wouldn't recommend breaking entirely, but to balance it in a healthy manner, e.g set the limits that you (and only you) genuinely feel good with.

In my case, I quit using Facebook and Instagram in the past years, and naturally, things that are genuinely fit me started to sink in and fill it.

In the context of connecting to others, when you live your live genuinely, the people that will fit it the most, will come to your life naturally.

It's tricky to do it today because we have a lot of channels that manipulate our social norms (e.g. social media, people around us, tv, e.g.).

Enjoy your freedom and genuineness mate.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Fellow lonely person here. No, it's definitely just loneliness.

I hate the mantra I've often heard spewed that "if you stop looking for friends/a significant other/whatever", they will naturally come to you. No, just no. For a small portion of people, they are lucky enough that this happens to them. But for the majority of people, finding relationships takes work.

As a kid, it was easy. Adult life is different and relationships no longer just fall into your lap like they did when you were in school. Ever hear people lament that making friends is harder as an adult? It legitimately is. We get caught up in work and home life and don't necessarily have all these extracurriculars to meet people that we may have had as kids or young adults.

I don't have the answers to OP's specific scenario, as I've always struggled with this too. But telling someone "no, you're not lonely" when they've expressed their loneliness...and telling someone "don't bother seeking people out, they will come to you" is incredibly counterproductive "advice."

Edit: I did some reading and it appears that OP is intending to transition. It's incredibly unfortunate that unsupportive people exist nowadays and it must be hard to suddenly lose your friends and family like that. But the solution isn't to stay there. It's to leave and find a community of people that accept you. People won't just magically come to you unless you stumble on a stroke of luck. You have to seek them out yourself.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Thank you for sharing, I added a disclaimer for emphasizing that it is just an opinion, and I'm not a professional.

I wish you the best.