I could use some honest advice from experienced programmers and engineers.
I'm almost at the two year mark as a developer. On paper I might look like a passable Junior Dev, but if you sat me down and asked me about algorithms or anything else I did to get my job in the first place I would be clueless. I can solve problems and always get my work done, but I don't even know the language/framework I use daily well enough to explain what's going on, I can just do things. I don't think I have imposter syndrome, I think I really might have let any skill I had atrophy.
I used to enjoy programming as a hobby in my spare time, but in two years I've opened the IDE on my personal machine no more than twice. People talk about all the side projects they have, but I have none. I feel too stressed out from the job to do any programming outside of work, even though I love it. I feel like I can't level up from a Junior to Senior because I either don't have the headspace or the will to do so. It doesn't help that the job I've had has taught me very little and my dev team has been a shitshow from the beginning.
At the moment I have an offer on the table to do a job that isn't engineering (but still tech) and it surprisingly pays more. Part of me thinks I should take that job, rediscover my passion in my spare time and build my skills, but I fear I might go down this route and never be able to come back to engineering. Not that I'm sure I want to.
It might sound defeatist but I don't think I'll ever be a top 5% or even 25% engineer. I could be average with a lot of work, but not great. I could potentially be great in the new field I'm being recruited for, but that's also hard to say without being in the job.
I know that some people just aren't cut out for being engineers. Maybe I have the aptitude but not the mentality to do this for 30+ years. I want to know if that's what it sounds like to people who've seen that before. If you were in my position, would you walk away and just be a hobbyist programmer or stick it out and hope to be a mediocre engineer one day?
Almost all what is going on today in commercial development is based on knowing frameworks and existing libraries and is far from engineering. I am working in that 19 years and also feel that am not a true engineer, at least at my job. Yes, I developed my own UI client framework, but who know it, who need it except my company... I am not in the 5% of top world engineers. And you know what I think, I do not care. Do f#$*k off, commercial development. I have hobbies, I learn languages that I like and writing code just for fun, solving problems on codewars. I believe that true thech like C and freebsd, emacs and some other not popular in commercial development programming languages is my way. And yes, I am earning money at my job, but at the same time, as I said, I tell all these overhyped shit "do f#@&k off" and going my own way. That's my life. Have a luck, bro. Find your own path.
People like you should be in leadership positions. The landscape rewards quick solutions, and quick solutions are rarely good solutions. "Whatever works" might still be a bad solution, just look at electron and that entire ecosystem.
Thank you for your support. Yes, and new tech is not always good.