Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
I'm sure there is a load of political world-building around it in little corners of the internet but for most people 'incel' is a just a byword for a creepy and desperate guy. If you're creepy and desperate you are therefore an incel. You're saying you're not like that though, so you must not be an incel. It takes a lot of effort as a young man to maintain an immaculate record of never being horny and lecherous, so you might actually be an incel sometimes too. My advice as an older guy is to just not worry about it. I see a lot of young guys on the internet worrying about never getting a girlfriend and blaming themselves. Just be patient and nice to girls and eventually you will get into a relationship. It is basically that simple.
I really don't think you understand how bad it is. 30% of young men are in a relationship, while 65% of young women are in a relationship. Makes things pretty difficult, you see.
This comment is basically the equivalent of telling a depressed person to just be happy.
Where did you get that stat from? With the lopsided numbers I would wonder how accurate it is, or if there is a difference in how men and women classify "in a relationship".
The lopsided numbers reflect younger girls being with older guys who are outside of the quoted age bracket. It's pretty much been like this for all of human history. At the end of the day, the biggest 'losers' in this game of musical chairs are older women. So, the fairest way of making sure that everyone gets matched is to put the old single women with the incels.
As an older woman, I can testify that we totally won the game. We're out loving life while everyone else you mentioned lives in a strange combination of fear, avarice, and disappointment.
Then the incel's quest must continue!
Saying what probably causes the numbers to be lopsided is really not the same as citing a source.
Either it's the way I said it, or there are billions more lesbians in the world than we ever could have known, or there are billions of guys in the world who have more than one girlfriend. Unless of course we've been misled and there are in fact billions less girls in existence than we thought.
Or, and hear me out, the statistic is just something some guy on Lemmy said and was never substantiated and is (at the very least potentially) unreliable.
It might be and we are all fools. Wouldn't be the first time I guess. But more importantly: who would have thought that incels are accidentally helping the general population to practice interpretation of statistics? Not me!
That statistic is wild. I don't understand how people have such a hard time finding girlfriends. I feel like you give a girl a little affection and she sticks to you like glue.
I think incels specifically it makes sense because they have a warped and negative perspective on the world. And nobody wants to spend any significant amount of time with a negative Nancy, much less a deluded one.
No, it's telling a young single guy to be patient. The other thing that statistic tells you is that later on you can expect to have a girlfriend who is significantly younger than you, which many guys would actually be happy about.
I think the problem with your comment was that you summed it up by saying 'it's simple' when it's a time of our lives when we start to have some freedom to explore our desires (sexual or otherwise) without the control/pressures of home and/or school life. There's also ongoing peer pressures pushing and pulling us about. It is nothing like a simple time in our lives (hence why so many people go online and talk about if, as you highlighted).
Yes, I'd agree with the sentiment to keep treating others well and to be patient (broadly what my approach to life has been, now 45 so older like you), but it certainly isn't easy or simple to do especially when there's a lot of seeing others having what you don't.
Sure, and I do agree with you. Being young is really intense and having identities like 'incel' pushed at you doesn't help with that. Saying it's simple might sound dismissive but young guys these days need a bit of hope and encouragement because our culture is doing a particularly bad job of both reflecting the realities of being a typical adult man and of offering a positive vision of what that could be in the future. Each generation of guys has its own challenges (for mine it was alcohol dependence) but with hindsight you can see that all of them do come out the other side with a good haul of girlfriends :)