this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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me_irl
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Nah, sorry. If you've got a lazy teenager (or even adult) living rent free in your basement, you have every right to pressure them about finding a job.
This is one of the toughest job markets I've ever experienced for specialized labor. I was part of the tech industry layoffs last year and I busted my ass for months before I got an offer. Many people I know are going through the same thing. It was honestly more draining than my actual job and I'd occasionally reach a burnout point where I couldn't even look at listings without being consumed by anxiety and dread.
On top of that, I was still paying ludicrous rent prices because the housing market is also shite and by the end of my unemployed period my net worth had been cut by almost 50%. I'm fortunate enough to have had an emergency fund but having the option to live rent free in my parent's basement sure would have been nice.
Obviously, every situation is different. But I'd advise anyone to be aware of the situation and ask how they can support somebody going through that rather than assuming they're just being lazy and regularly pestering them.
Hopefully the child in question is actually applying for those jobs. It's a tough job market which is why you need to try extra hard.
Learn some empathy.
Uhh what
As someone who struggled for almost a year before getting their first engineering job back in the day, telling someone to “just try harder” won’t help. Failing to find anything for so long puts you in a severe depression, where you just want to give up, but you can’t because you literally need money to live. So you’re in an awful limbo of not having the energy or willpower to try and make much progress, while people that claim to love you are making you feel like a lazy piece of shit for not getting anywhere. It’s literal hell.
I didn't say "just try harder", just that hopefully they're applying to jobs since it is a tough job market where you need to try extra hard.
i dunno, that culture of everything (even your care for your son) being transactional and people kicking their kids out of the house at 18 for being "leeches" doesnt seem like it helps a lot. feels like extreme alienation.
it doesnt help that working and paying rent is significantly more difficult than it used to be for the previous generations. despite advancing technology we now have to slave away much worse to afford living.
all that said, i guess the problem its on the tone of it or how culture is in that regard, not so much about just the act of asking. i think capitalists have succesfully associated the grind with some sort of virtue.
Except pressuring them is counterproductive and demotivating. Just adds to their stress and shame
The right kind of positive reinforcement can help people who are feeling depressed and defeated. Sometimes just being there and letting them know they're not alone in this, that they aren't unique in hating the job hunt, and that we all know how dysfunctional the system is can be the sympathetic boost they need to give it another go.
Just ignoring and isolating someone who is struggling isn't helpful either. Especially if they're paralyzed by anxiety or confusion.
The stress and the shame comes from feeling like you don't fit in. And the job hunting process necessarily involves a lot of rejections - often deeply personal rejections on subjects you had historically felt quite good about. Helping someone score even a minor W can count for a lot.
In my experience, one of the best cures to job hunt paralysis is volunteering. When you're working with other people to do something useful and beneficial to others, you get the sense that you really do have skills and add value to others. Also, its a good way to get outside your bubble and meet people who might want to pay you to do shit. If nothing else, the folks you volunteer with are usually good for a referral.
But just hiding in a dark room all day is fucking awful for the human psyche.
They are living rent free. They don't have any stress
not having any money is stressful as fuck.
not like living on the expense of others in a society where everything is about money feels any better either.
I mean, pressure has its place. But when it becomes a particularly sore subject, especially in a tight job market, you're just poking an open wound.
If you want to help someone get on their feet, maybe try... actually helping. "Hey, I found someone looking to hire an entry level thing-you-do and here's the contact information" / "I saw a help-wanted sign over at the place that has jobs you're looking to fill" / "I asked my friend if they have any openings at Company and it sounds like they might be willing to give you a referral" is vastly more helpful than "Have you tried looking online yet?"
Old people trying to help are always useless.
It was always something incredibly basic like:
"Have you tried writing a CV."
Or incredibly stupid like
"Just march in there and demand a job."
Or the most annoying.
"This person needs insert free labour, that'll be good. No they can't afford to hire anyone so you won't get paid."
Nepotism works, if you can use nepotism you might help. Otherwise you probably have no idea what you're doing.
We're social animals, and going through a person who actually works at the company yields a significantly better rate of hire than just going through some opaque digital front door.