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what has worked for you to stop getting angry thinking about people who hurt you? (linux.community)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

48 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm letting people who hurt me in the past live rent free in my mind.

One episode involves a former landlord that tried to run me over in an intersection with no traffic cameras.

Another one involves a manager that fired me for informing that one of his favorites yelled during night shift and ignored alarms to talk. He fired me the next day, used the exit interview to tell me everything I didn't do right (but kept quiet about his favorites, even though I did the job like them), still had the utmost confidence on his favorites, accused me of being lazy and instead of simply firing me and keeping neutral he chose to take it personal, proceeded to try to scare me insinuating I wouldn't work for his system again, when that failed, tried to humiliate me and then fired me. This was in an non union hospital.

When I think about it I get angry. Id like not to be so thin skinned, but here I am.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

I'd encourage you to think about these events as you would a physical injury. A physical injury can hurt for a long time and no amount of recognition or "processing" or "getting over it" can short-cut the all-too-slow healing that needs to take place. It's no fun and there's no way to just make it go away.

That said, you can do things that care for the injury while it is healing. I don't know what these are for you, but for me, I needed to recognize that the people I was angry at were also instrumental in helping me advance.

For example, I had a string of terrible jobs with bad bosses, but that string of terrible jobs led me to someplace that I am very happy to work. Once I realized this, it started getting easier to recognize both that the way I was treated was wrong and that I was also glad that these people were essential to me get to where I am. Even so, it was a long process and physically painful. My anger towards these people did nothing to hurt them, but it was terrible on my health.

I'm sorry you had to experience these things, but I hope they eventually lead you to someplace better.