168
"I can't have my Cybertruck look stupid after an auto accident. Better to kill the occupants. "
(hexbear.net)
this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2024
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The Virgin Corolla:
Let's the driver survive crashes to see their families (gay)
Affordable (read: for poor people who have financial responsibilities)
Appeals to offline people (cringe)
Has tactile feedback on buttons/knobs for controls (primitive)
Normal transmission (woke)
Creator has never been featured on Rick and Morty or The Big Bang Theory (low IQ)
Safety features tested with "crash test Dummies" (dummy is already in the name)
Standard looking (normies reeee)
The Chad Bazingamobile:
Increases the chances of the owner dying and going to Techno-Valhalla (very cool and straight)
Prohibitively expensive (only for dank meme lords)
Appeals to the finest 9Gag connoisseurs (based)
Has touchscreens everywhere so you have to take your eyes off the road to confirm if you've changed any setting successfully (cyberpunk)
Transmission that will soon be renamed cismission in an update that bricks the truck if you don't download (tradpilled)
Creator has been featured on Rick and Morty AND The Big Bang Theory (high IQ)
Safety features tested on live Neuralink Chimpanzees (ape together strong!) Which have all died from brain trauma (but the logs say it happened way before impact)
Angular, straight lines (this car literally couldn't get any straighter)
It’ll just be named to ‘mission’ because they don’t want to dignify the word “cis”
But then they’ll patch it again to just be “ion” because they don’t want the customers feeling gay for using something with “miss” in the name
ION is the in-universe PMC in Arma, so they get sued by bohemia interactive, causing widespread civil war in the milsim nerd community
See this doesn't work because the corolla can't be the gay soymobile and also being slain by it gets you into valhalla. Ya gotta pick one. I say it stays the gay soymobile and every cybertruck driver killed by one is put down to "skill issue" and gets to whatever the opposite of valhalla is