this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
577 points (94.5% liked)
Asklemmy
43780 readers
846 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I think having children when the world is already overflowing with unwanted children is pretty fucking selfish. how about you do humanity a favor and stop for a round or two, eh? maybe pick up all the lost and forgotten children society has strewn across the way.
(only child unwanted by both parents, dont know who my father is. left my mother at 18, but she made sure to remind me how much her life got fucked up because she had me...Currently married to my lovely wife going on 10 years at 2024 and 12 years together total. and we have considered a child. but...i cant stop thinking about the ones already here, unloved. but as a bastard only child with no real parents, i could be bias.)
adoption should be considered more often even by people who are fertile
I considered it seriously even though I am fertile. The process is so complex, long and uncertain in my country (western Europe) that we chose to make new ones. Still considering to adopt when we get a bit older.
ah that's too bad, I didn't realize the process was that cumbersome
Well it is, but it's also hard wired into every living creature. As in, "I want food security and will pursue that at the expense of others" is definitely selfish but it's the expected position.
It's true that we're the only species with the ability to reason about the social cost of this position, but it's also true that every single one of my ancestors has of course been able to fulfil this fundamental contract of life without impediment.
One problem you may not have considered is that raising an adopted child is a very, very different prospect to raising your own child. Usually people wanting to adopt prefer a newborn, because this is more of a "blank slate" if you will, but the vast majority of children available to adopt are not given up by their parents immediately after birth. Many children have been neglected and have on going social and medical problems. Another problem is the prevalence of issues like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome which causes physical and neurodevelopmental problems.
Birth rates are in free-fall in pretty much every country where contraception is generally available, so I don't know about that.
Having sex is hard-wired, sure. Having kids, not so much. At least not when having kids ruins your life.
On the contrary, your experience is an excellent example of why having children is a horrible idea unless you're ready for what parenthood involves, which almost no one is.
(I would argue that having children is still a horrible idea because the world's falling apart, but that's another story.)
I sympathise with your history, your point is well made. As for your future, have you considered adopting?