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Op, please read this.
A long time ago, I went through this. The details don't matter so much because our situations aren't the same. But I fell deep into addiction for a few years because I was dealing with several issues - some of which I've always dealt with and will continue to do so, others were temporary.
I still have to face the problems I did before, but now I have the occasional craving. Before, I would lie in bed or sleep if I was going through a depressive episode for a few weeks / months. Now, I want to burn my savings until I black out or can't remember why I started. Now, I get cravings if I use any kind of nasal spray. Now, I will dream of being high and will have cravings for the rest of the week.
If you can't change what you're going through, and you know you'll be dealing with it in the future, then why would you add more problems for your future self? The drugs I did were amazing until I came down, and they changed me. Some of the changes made me a better person due to the struggles and inconsistent clarity they presented, but some of the changes just made my suffering worse. Drugs will give you relief while you're high. But all things come to an end, be it the high or your life. Practice safety, use testers, and research everything.
Do you think that addiction is inevitable? Is it impossible to use drugs as a form of emotional pain management while keeping an eye on any possible addictions?
No. As with all things in life, there's nuance. Your body is different than mine. While I don't have an inherently addictive physiology, I quickly went from practicing moderation to using everyday, to quite literally never being truly sober. And I stopped myself a few times in the beginning - I knew I was slipping, and I held myself accountable and would be better for a time. Until eventually I forgot or was too apathetic, I can't remember honestly
Are there signs you would say to look for? Things that should make me stop and re-evaluate?
Op take a look at your other habits big and small with special attention offered to contemplating how compulsive they are / what triggers a craving etc.
If you want a good read related to the area dopamine nation has a mix of thoughtful interpretation and some valuable anecdotal experience for reference!
I would go back and tell myself not to sacrifice certain things just to be high for the day. Don't change the positive things in your life. You should always know you control a substance, don't allow the drug to let you think you're in control. When you start to think you have do something high that you wouldn't if you were sober (e.g. hanging out with friends, spending the day with family, watching a movie, etc,) then that's when you're in very dangerous territory.
Thank you