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Loving someone while not condoning their actions? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

37 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Straightforward: my 29-year-old son is dating a 16-year-old girl he met at a jazz festival this summer. Openly. He had a same age long-term girlfriend until last year, when they broke up amicably. We really loved her, she was basically our daughter-in-law and we’re still in touch. His current girlfriend’s parents know about their relationship & are cool with it. For the record: it’s also legal in our country. We don’t think it’s right though, he’s a grown ass man while she’s a high schooler. He’s also very successful professionally, handsome, takes good care of himself, has a good personality, etc. so it’s not like he’s lacking options. He just says he likes her - that’s his why. He’s not a bad person, I know that, but still this whole situation has changed our perception of him quite a bit. We’re having a rough time to say the least.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

16 -> 29 is a huge red flag. They are in completely different places in their lives, or at least ought to be. There is an inherent power imbalance due to maturity and finance differences.

Could it be a happy, healthy relationship? Odds are extremely thin, but probably non-zero.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

From my personal experience this "ought to be" is the problem. Once you get your first job, everyone expects you to drop everything that you're passionate about and start behaving like an adult. That can be overwhelming and I wouldn't judge anyone for wanting to keep that cozy feeling of being young for a bit longer. And as long as all important responsibilities still get taken care of, why not let adults be as childish as they want, whenever they want?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Man, I am a childish adult. My wife will tell you I'm a twelve year old boy in a fifty year old body. This is something else.