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Loving someone while not condoning their actions? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

37 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Straightforward: my 29-year-old son is dating a 16-year-old girl he met at a jazz festival this summer. Openly. He had a same age long-term girlfriend until last year, when they broke up amicably. We really loved her, she was basically our daughter-in-law and we’re still in touch. His current girlfriend’s parents know about their relationship & are cool with it. For the record: it’s also legal in our country. We don’t think it’s right though, he’s a grown ass man while she’s a high schooler. He’s also very successful professionally, handsome, takes good care of himself, has a good personality, etc. so it’s not like he’s lacking options. He just says he likes her - that’s his why. He’s not a bad person, I know that, but still this whole situation has changed our perception of him quite a bit. We’re having a rough time to say the least.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

29?

I've seen bigger age gaps work out long term, but dang, not when the younger was still a kid in most ways. It comes down to there needing to be a certain degree of development of self before you can make a relationship be a meeting of equals where both people can move forward together rather than it being one leading the other (intentionally or not).

There's really nothing you can do about it, though. Like you said, he's a grown ass man and has to reap the crop he sows. If she's legal there, and the parents aren't objecting, there's nothing that you can the that's useful. You just hang back and see how it goes.

Treat it like you would if you didn't like his choice in dating because she was stupid, or ugly. If he asks, don't lie about your opinion, but don't bother them with it either. Trying to force them apart is likely to backfire and at the very least could make them stick together longer than they otherwise would if it isn't going to work out on its own.

People are allowed to make bad choices as adults. When it comes to family, there's a limit to what kind and degree of interference is acceptable, no matter what the family member is doing.

You've had the unfortunate discovery that your son is likely an idiot about at least this matter. Could be worse.