this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2024
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for many years, I went blessedly unaware of who this random fuckjack was, knowing only: 1) ambiently knowing the name, 2) that I ambiently know the name (these two things together are usually a decent heuristic for me to not bother digging)
and then I got jumpscared by a full-scale mrbeast standee in a shop some months back
may I soon be able to forget about this fuckjack once again
Beast's been reported to the FBI after a litany of horrific shit got found in leaked chat logs - logs which have also been released to the public.
Between that, Lunchly turning out moldy and getting memed on, and a litany of controversies shredding his public image, chances are his empire's gonna go down in flames pretty soon, and you're gonna be able to forget about him pretty quick.
I got a handful of paragraphs into reading that and then realized I definitely don't want to read that tonight
def fuck that guy tho
All you need to know is that his real name is Jimmy Donaldson and he's exactly the type of person you expect to be named Jimmy Donaldson.
I'll be honest, that name gives me the vibe of some somewhat good guy who got straight A's but has worked at a sandwich shop for 10 years.
Old Donaldson had a grift, E-I-E-I-O
And he would often pump-and-dump, E-I-E-I-O
With a wallet here and a wallet there, Here a pump, there a dump, everywhere pump-dump,
Old Donaldson had a grift, E-I-E-I-O.
that was indeed another input to the heuristics
nominative determinism strikes once again!
(post-hoc, to be honest. but it's still fucking hilarious)