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Good suggestions but I'm not convinced that's true.
It's certainly possible to lock some Android devices down hard without rooting them. See Samsung Knox as an example. Even a pro will have a hard time getting around that.
I trust my kids to mostly only use the devices how I say. The security is mainly to keep their mum happy and to keep them from spur of the moment bad descisions with their clicks and time.
It sounds like you should simply trust your kids and convince your better half that she should do the same.
No, I don't think it's unreasonable to have a technical level of control over young kids devices in partnership with close supervision. It's that or no phones until they're 16.