Ask Lemmy

I was going in for a drug test for a new job on my lunch break. I had taken some of those 'clean you out pills' that you get from a head shop and the prescribed half gallon of water super early in the morning. I get there around noon, sitting in the waiting room I felt an urgent need to fart. I knew I couldn't keep it in so I did the sly one cheek up maneuver to minimize the sound. Warm smooth liquid came out instead. Filled my underwear and ran down my leg. I immediately got up and asked to use the bathroom. The look on those ladies faces o.0. I said I needed to poo and I promised not to pee. They let me. I clean up as best I can and throw my underwear in the trash, but is smells like death. I decided to confesses on my way out about the underwear and they show me back to the waiting area. I kept my promise, I peed in the cup and left about 20 minutes later. Nurses are laughing at me on my way out. I get in my car and start crying and call my Dad, still my best friend. He laughs and tells me about several times he pooped his pants and I am crying and laughing hysterically, remnants of the duty still in my pants. I had to call into my current job and take the rest of the day off, holding back tears and trying not to laugh. The test came back inconclusive and I had to retake the test about two weeks later. I passed that one with no help, and I had an amazing job that set the course for the rest of my life.