Posting from a throwaway because this is something that embarasses me a lot. I'm an artist who posts fanart on social media but as much as I remind myself that fanart is just for fun, I should just enjoy myself and not worry about engagement, I can't get myself out of the competitive headspace against other artists who create content for the same media. I find myself getting angry at more popular artists who only do lazy doodles, yet they get showered with likes and adoring comments. It makes me feel like I have to strategize posting times, engage with popular accounts so that they will promote my work, draw what the fandom likes to see and not what I want to draw. I become a lot more negative and stressed out when I actively use social media, but without social media engagement I feel less motivation to make art. I have no economic incentive to become a popular artist, my career is unrelated to art, but the compulsion is there anyway.
I started to overthink online interactions because of my competitiveness. It makes me insecure when I see cliques of popular creators who are friends with each other and share/praise only each other's work. When I reach out to them, just to get to know them and not for self-promotion, they don't respond and keep talking to their clique. I know that they simply don't have anything to say but it feels like they are deliberately ignoring everybody who isn't a part of their clique. I know about extensions that hide the numbers but I care more about the absence comments and interactions compared to the popular creators. How do I get less competitive about this?