The whole question of double standards is in a sense, asking about common unhealthy traits
It's not entirely on you. Accusing you of mansplaining is not cool, she should've just said something like "i'm sharing this because I'm looking for emotional support, not solutions, so please stop trying to solve my problems when I'm just venting".
In a sense, how people react to having problems shared with them is a cultural difference, neither is right or wrong but they can be jarring and confusing when you're used to one culture but interact with a different one. But it's not fair to just assume the other culture is acting in bad faith
I've heard the "pick-me" phrase most common in the context of girls, where they'll say stuff like "i'm not like other girls" to try to get favor from guys. https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/pick-me-girl/ this is actually a really good summary of it, "A pick-me girl is a woman who obsessively desires male approval and validation, often at the expense of other women."
in this case a pick-me vegan is trying to get favor from non-vegans by saying "cats can't possibly be vegan" at the expense of a rational discussion
A lot of vegans will downvote coming from a sort of "pick-me" vegan place
- Find your toxic traits
- stop doing them
The general point is that the "what is a woman" question is still word games rather than an honest attempt at finding truth and understanding
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Insane expectations being placed on women around beauty and appearance, and the resulting insecurities that creates, play a big role in this