Shortly before we left, we did performances that we previously prepared in groups. Girl 7 is one of the girls I mostly thought about before, and she was in another group that was doing a song parody. Anticipation started building up when I saw her with one of the microphones in the beginning. When she sang her part, I was very delighted by her voice. Later, I told her that she sounded so beautiful. She thanked me, smiled, and overall had a reaction that I like so much. I should have tried to have a conversation with her (e.g. asking if she sings a lot), but I didn't think of doing that. This shows the importance of considering the possibility of conversation potential in every single interaction, so Pansystellar will teach that and also list simple ways of continuing a conversation so it can be done fast enough even before the whole thing becomes habitual.
After we returned to ASU, me and my dad were walking to the car to go home, and it was in front of a building, and I saw no one other than girl 7 in front of the building, and she appeared to be waiting to be picked up. After I put my stuff in the back of the car, I immediately went in the car, and now I think I should have first ran to the girl and asked if she wanted my number. In addition to the crush prediction concept I will describe next, faster recognition of the possibility that it was my last chance would have helped.
Later that day, I started to have crush toward her. (I said it that way because I realized that saying "a crush on" instead of something that matches how other feelings are communicated could be a brainwashing factor.) That evening, girl 7 was the only life I saw at E2 that I thought about more than the bathroom rodent.
The next day (today), I noticed patterns in what happens before I start to have crush. The main one is a girl visibly feeling very good after I say something to her, which is what happened with girl 7 and multiple other girls in the past. Another one is me sensing dominance in a girl (this indicator seems to be mild). Then I realized that this knowledge could be used to predict crush before I have it, and that I could kinda act on predicted crush instead of only present crush. This results in a new category of speed, especially for the build-up of courage and fear of regret, and for decisions of who to interact with. It can also create a less foggy view of desires and emotional reactions. And the concept of acting on future crush means working around the constraint of time itself, which is a very marketable feature of Pansystellar 😂
Another thing, not about this girl in particular: I realized very late that people at E2 would be likely to enjoy and understand my youtube short about Joe Biden saying we're "created by the Go you know the you know the thing" because the referenced programming language Go is more likely to be familiar. I could have gone to someone (maybe someone whose name tag indicates a computer science related major) and showed them this, instead of only showing people my less niche stuff. Pansystellar should encourage people to avoid forgetting how much shared interest is around them.
Update: the first wave of crush toward her (currently the only one) lasted less than 3 days
The most relevant insights from ChatGPT:
"People often feel uncomfortable with the ambiguity and uncertainty that comes with undefined relationships. There is a cultural tendency to seek clear labels and definitions quickly, which can stifle natural relationship development and exploration."
"This story challenges the notion that there is only one right way to develop a romantic relationship, advocating for a more organic and patient approach."
Prompt
"I attended a retreat at this couple’s house, and they told us this story. I see it as an example of liberally seeking connection and not being afraid of causing people to suspect feelings, all before you even know your feelings and desires. Today, I realized how important this story is.In high school, they became very close friends. They even spent so much time talking on the phone every night. The boy dealt with people thinking that he had a crush on the girl, and he kept on denying it. If I remember correctly, the friendship being platonic seemed a little weird to the other people. After 4 years of friendship, he knew his criteria for his future wife and eventually realized that the girl met all of the criteria. So they talked about this and eventually were in a relationship. The boy valued starting relationships with the trust of a deep platonic friendship. Now they are married and have a kid. (During the retreat, the kid drooled on a table, and the dog licked it.)
When I heard this story, it kinda felt like a glimpse of the future.
This might be the only time that an adult in my life ever spoke positively about being in such a deep friendship and not quickly start dating. In fact, my own parent once spoke a little negatively about it, and it was about my sibling’s friendship. For the Pansystellar Architecture, I am choosing freedom. People should not be expected to be so decisive.
To be clear, this doesn’t necessarily mean you should force yourself to wait for 4 years or start with lots of strict criteria.
Slightly related fact: At that retreat, we all got flower pots, planted something in it, and kept them. I planted a type of flower called pansies. That’s where I got part of this project’s codename from."
Name the big culture or mindset problem(s) that this goes against
Response
The story you shared goes against several prevalent cultural and mindset problems:Rush to Romantic Relationships: In many cultures, there is significant pressure to quickly transition from friendship to a romantic relationship if there is a close bond between a boy and a girl. This rush can undermine the value of deep platonic friendships and the importance of building a strong foundation based on trust and mutual understanding.
Fear of Ambiguity and Uncertainty: People often feel uncomfortable with the ambiguity and uncertainty that comes with undefined relationships. There is a cultural tendency to seek clear labels and definitions quickly, which can stifle natural relationship development and exploration.
Pressure to Conform to Societal Expectations: Society often expects individuals to follow a linear path in relationships—meet, date, and marry. This story challenges the notion that there is only one right way to develop a romantic relationship, advocating for a more organic and patient approach.
Skepticism of Platonic Friendships: There is a common suspicion and skepticism towards platonic friendships between men and women, often leading to assumptions that one or both parties have hidden romantic feelings. This mindset devalues genuine platonic relationships and creates unnecessary tension.
Rigid Criteria for Relationships: The story highlights the value of having criteria for a future partner but also emphasizes the importance of allowing relationships to develop naturally over time. It challenges the idea that one must have a predefined set of strict criteria before starting a relationship.
Lack of Emphasis on Emotional Connection: The story underscores the significance of emotional connection and mutual respect as the foundation for a lasting relationship. It goes against the superficial approach that often prioritizes physical attraction or societal status over deep emotional bonds.
By highlighting these issues, the story promotes a culture of patience, emotional depth, and freedom in relationship-building, encouraging individuals to seek meaningful connections without succumbing to societal pressures.