Even after paying for an expensive psychoeducational assessment my family still thinks I’m not autistic because I speak “like a white man”

Lol sorry I laughed at this but the implications are hilarious.

Be safe out there. This post made me think that historically there must've been a lot of victims of racists attacks because the victim was autistic and could not properly assess the danger they were in.

Moving sucks, so I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. Maybe there is a club or sport you can look into. Rock climber have a tendency to be neurodivergent from what I noticed and they are generally accepting, however it varies from place to place. But I say it's worth checking out.

Privilege, or lack thereof, compounds just like interest. It’s a real problem, but it’s really hard to communicate to normies. They see it as pointless “oppression Olympics” (their words) and not a real thing that affects real people that they could have a hand in solving.

Thanks for sharing this.

To give you a word and framework for what your post, and a lot of the comments here, are describing: intersectionality. Multiple oppressed identities or characteristics compound to be more oppressive than the sum of their parts.

Your struggles are real, and you're making perfect sense. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that, that fucking sucks.

That sucks, and the people who said those things are terrible. My experience was different from yours in a lot of ways, but I will say my stress levels post college were a lot more manageable. It sounds like right now you have school, work, mental health, public speaking, and family on your plate all at the same time, its not suprising that that would weigh on you. Hopefully in a few years time things will be more figured out and the things that can be taken care of will be.

I think its pretty cool how much work you are putting in, its a lot more than many people ever do. I'm sure it'll pay off for you.

Man that really sicks. What I know is that there's various subcultures which have more percentage of ND people like you, so it could help you both find friends and partners who you can sync better with. Not going to claim there won't be racists but in my experience such communities tend to be less likely to have them.

Not minimizing your situation but I hope you one day get the opportunity to move away from the shitty town you live in. I've lived all over the country and certainly noticed some areas are far more normalized towards the situations/reactions you described. Though there are issues with acceptance/bigotry everywhere, it sounds like you are in the deep end.

"Look for the helpers"

In this case I mean look for those who do not judge you. Make efforts to befriend those who give you the respect you deserve. As with everything, take the good forward and leave the bad behind.

However, you have my sympathy. You're right this won't ever change completely, but hopefully over time you'll find more people that fall into the above category.

It’s bad enough that I have both ADHD and Autism but being Black amplifies the disadvantages

I think about this a lot even being white - how my idiosyncrasies would go from borderline suspicious in the eyes of society to obviously troublesome just because of skin color.

Don't worry about your post; it's coherent and enlightening.

The world is a fucked up place and I wish you the best.

I'm sad and sorry that you're having such a rough time. You paint a really clear and awful picture about how social stereotypes about autism and racism interact.

I'm a white guy, so I haven't walked in your shoes and frankly I'm the last person anyone wants to hear talk about race, but...

For what little that it's worth though, don't lose hope or give up on yourself. You said that your life is pathetic but I don't think so. From the sound of things you're just doing your thing, working, buying groceries, trying to make friends and a girlfriend, trying to help yourself through a world that's harsh to all of us. (Though not equally.)

From reading your story It seems like most of the negative feelings you have for yourself right now are because of how other people perceive you, based almost exclusively on prejudice. They don't know you for you, so they just mentally revert back to the worst small town America racist Fox News tropes that have been hammered into their small minds for decades. I don't know how to combat that. I wish I did.

I do know that it's not on you, however. None of that is your fault, so why go beating yourself up over it? You're having a bad time right now and that's ok, we all do, and it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of ignorance and hurtful bullshit. (You should be a bit stoned, giggling at cartoons or being blown away by a song you've heard 1000 times before, while eating seemingly endless junk food. But you're just in a bad headspace and I can see why.) Go ahead and process your negative feelings, but I don't think you should hate yourself or treat yourself like an enemy just because some other ignorant assholes out there are treating you that way.

I wish you the best, man. Stay strong. Thanks for sharing your story.

You have to learn to never hate yourself. If you do, you make the shitty people around you right. We all human are shit in one way or another. But nobody deserves to be treated as if they are shit by default.

Find a niche where you can belong and become an authority in it. Stop trying to fit. Embrace your nature, and just then, you will find your path.

It's very sad that you have to contend with this. It's all due to one thing - other people are total assholes. It's isn't you who is broken here. It's the rest of the society around you that condones hate and fosters violence toward anyone who is different or unusual.

Your post is very coherent, and congrats on having the courage to be open about it. I don't claim to have gone through anything like what you have, but as an old whiny white gay male, I can say I have had similar experiences (especially living here in Utah in Mormon country USA).

I've put up with bigoted small-minds since I was a kid. Because I was different then, I was the kid who would rather make art than go play ball outside, the abuse I put up with would boggle your mind. I always knew the problem wasn't me - I was pretty talented. It was the social goops around me who came from idiotic families with very little in the way of social graces and almost no real moral values of any kind.

The world is made up almost completely of assholes and dickwads. You'll always be black and have to deal with ADHD, but just as I always say, I love being who I am, I hope you get to the same point eventually. It's not a question of you having to fix anything about yourself.

They say that no one would purposely "choose to be gay," for example. But I would. Even if I was given an opportunity to do it all again, I'd do it the exact same way (except I'd probably come out and be more open about it earlier). You have to not only develop a thick skin, but the mindset of a warrior. It's us against the world. And in the end, we'll inherit the earth and all the bounties of heaven. Not them.

Best of luck with all of this.

I feel you, being a neurodivergent minority sucks, especially when trying to establish deep connections with others. Most of the time they just mask their racism saying "oh you people just prefer hanging out with your own" and I'm just like I would love to hang out with you folks but that comment gives me really hostile vibes.

This all makes sense to me and yes it sucks. I'm sorry. I do think you will find your way. I am a 50-something white lady and can say with absolute truth, I see black IT guys at my work, have worked with black nerdy guys my whole life and have never thought about it until reading this post, where do you live where it's unusual?

I do not walk in your shoes but understand the crossing the street business and yes, police discrimination I have received the benefit that everyone should for being human, and know it sucks that not everyone gets that, it's wrong.

Sorry I don't know if this is helpful but I hope you find your way, you sound quite young. Hang on. Things may yet get better.

I feel for you and while I grew up with what I would call, typical autistic struggles, I can imagine what you are dealing with and how utterly awful it must be. Maybe it is time to move if you can. There are places that are much better for those in the spectrum. I used to live in Vancouver and had none of the issues your described as it is such a melting pot of a city that seems to have very few racial issues. Sure there must be some similar cities where you are from? Changing your environment can truly have a big impact on one’s happiness as the grass really is greener in some places for you.

Well, we can only hope you are at the very least a step on their path to seeing it as normal.

And yeah, unfortunately most drugs interact differently with different brains. Just like how we have to try so many different medications to help, the other less legal drugs also don't do the same thing for all of us.

You will eventually find better friends, I do very much recommend joining a local social or support group, whichever sounds more palatable to you. Social groups are just for hanging out with people who have a bit better idea of what it's like to be you, a support group will include talking about it and potentially looking at solutions to any individual components that can be helped, and support for those that can't.

You did indeed get dealt a bad hand. And no matter how much anything "shouldn't" matter, it doesn't change real life. But you do have to live your life anyway, and while people are very bad at choosing their words in general, there is some truth to how much control you have over your thoughts around it. You can't change what other people do, but you can change what you think about it. It's terrible, and you should only try to accept things that aren't actually damaging. Balance what you fight against and fight for with the things you try to make peace with. You only have so much mental energy to dedicate. Hope that any fights you choose not to participate in will still have enough participants without you, take care of yourself too. The better a place you can manage to get yourself in, the more energy you can devote to the other fights later.

I don't want to make you feel any smaller than you may already feel, but each of us really are very small parts of any fight we need to fight. As bad as it feels to derelict our duties, it is overall a positive if the alternate is being defeated early before we had a chance to make a much bigger difference in the long run. Take breaks, get yourself good, fight harder later.

As horrible as it is, try to gain perspective from what life would have been like 10, 20, 50, 100 years ago. At least things would have been worse then... which is terrible... but it means they are indeed better now, and have continuously trended that way over time. When you look real close, you can see all the individual battle losses and set backs, but the "war" is going our way.

I just wanted to say I read everything and you're not crazy to be wondering what the fuck.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Thank you for sharing your perspective with us. I've read it several times to make sure it sinks in.

My advice, just lean into it. Lost prevention is following you, talk to lost prevention, get to know whose working, after a week or so. Even in a small town, you will just blend in.

The main thing is just try to make yourself as comfortable in any situation you happen to inhabit.

Good luck