this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2023
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I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I've tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering... is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

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[–] [email protected] 167 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I am no doctor but I remember hearing one of the warning signs of depression can be the absence of feeling. It is certainly one of mine.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Ehh...I disagree with this if we are specifically talking about what the OP is referring to.

When you're a child, everything is new, making all of it exciting. For example...as a child, OP had only experienced winter a few times. As an adult, they've experienced countless winters. It becomes routine instead of new and so it fades into the background. And with adult obligations to worry about, we don't have that worry free child mind that can drift off like that. It's just part of getting older.

OP, sometimes it's worth making a conscious decision to stop and take a moment to notice and experience your surroundings. There's a thunderstorm outside? Grab a warm cup of coffee and just try to watch and listen for a moment. If possible, open a window (that won't let rain in) or sit outside under an awning and just take in all of your senses. Go out for a walk without any music and without using your phone. Try to look at the trees and birds around you and take it in. Smell the air...has the grass been recently cut? Has it rained recently? Is there mud around? Is someone nearby grilling some food? Are there leaves on the ground? Try stepping on one. Do they crunch or are they soft and wet?

As a child, everything is new. As an adult, it's routine and boring. But you can still manage to capture a small bit of this feeling back if you actively decide to stop from time to time and consciously try to take in your surroundings for a moment. Stop and try to feel all of your senses.

You can never make these feelings new again, but sometimes I find some satisfaction in watching and listening to the world around me.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Both perspectives are true and effort is the key in either case.

Not everyone is destined to lose appreciation for the moment, regardless of "newness".

Nor is everyone so easily adept at willing it to be so.

But engaged awareness, to your point, is a helpful consideration to be sure!

What a great tool to reach for!

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

For everyone wondering whether or not they’re depressed, there is a tool doctors use called the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI), broadly available online as a PDF. If you score high talk to your doctor about it. Take good care of yourselves fellow lemmings.

Additionally, mindfulness sometimes gets a bad rep but it’s an awesome way to reconnect with your β€˜feeling’ side. There are many apps, I found one that really works for me and it’s awesome.

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[–] [email protected] 86 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

When your older, you understand how shitty the world really is, and shatters any hope you ever had.

I thought the world was so awesome, space is so vast, the world so interconnected, technology, communication across the whole world, we have flying machines, we (as in humanity) went to the moon, we have machines on mars, we might reverse aging...

Then, the realization that we are alone in space, the universe doesn't care about us, technology is being used for mass surveillance, censorship and propaganda, false information, carbon emissions, recession to authoritarianism, discrimination, etc......

I wish I could be naive and happy as I used to be, but once you grow up, you understand how fucked up thw world is. Its hard to have hope again.

I'm diagnosed with depression, but maybe depression is just the realization of the horrible truth of the world.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I think being depressed is perfectly natural when being on this planet. But since it makes your life worse, it's important to know how to think about something else so you don't feel sad all the time (which is natural considering how shitty it all is). Human leaders are at a very primitive stage of mental evolution and we all suffer because of that.

I get excited about computers and tech so I focus a lot on that in my life. You need to find something that feels fun and exciting despite the world being shit. Also I stopped watching news like 15 years ago and I'm ignorant now of all the things that happen every day. Feels better.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think there's definitely something healthy behind the idea that depression is actually a fairly natural or reasonable state, however hard and painful it can be. Especially for anyone that wants to be mindful of the danger of psychopaths or sociopaths who are probably the types of people that seem oddly immune or unable to understand or empathise with depression.

Otherwise, I'll just say that a "second childhood" can be a thing (as far as I can tell), where all of the concerns of middle age fade away and we're forced to wrestle, naively perhaps, with the sheer reality of existing.

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[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.

As an adult, you've experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.

Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I've heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you're making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.

Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.

At least, that's my understanding! I'm not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you're describing :)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I have to agree. I grew up in a tropical climate and moved to the northern part of the northern hemisphere several years ago. The first few winters I would look like some kind of child lost in the wonder of the beauty of snow falling because I’d never lived in a place that had snow. Sometimes I still have those moments.

I am not a doctor, but it could be depression. It is really difficult to not feel terrible sometimes given the state of the world right now.

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago

Yeah, it is normal, but it also sounds like depression.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago

Getting to the point in life where you realize how the sausage is made, packaged, marketed, distributed, sold, cooked, consumed, digested, defecated, flushed, mixed with other waste, and either separated into solids and liquids or dumped into the ocean will do that to you.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well, the older you get the more experiences you have. Not everything is going to feel new when you've been through it a few decades.

I'd say it's normal.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

That is why I fell in love with shrooms, TBH. Psilocybin has resurrected a curiosity in me that I haven't felt in years. I just seemed that at 40 years, there aren't many situations that I haven't seen or experienced in daily life. As a side benefit, I have learned how to grow mushrooms.

Edit: haven't

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I just seemed that at +40 years, there aren’t many situations that I have seen or experienced in daily life.

Very true, I feel that. It's incredibly easy to not even realize that, too.

My only fear is I've got another 40 years to go lol

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm sure it also has something to do with that when you get older, you've had those experiences many more times than as a child. They just don't feel that specia anymore.l

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Do shrooms that feeling will come right back

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Reach ego death and that feeling will go away forever.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

For me it was gay sex that did it

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was going to suggest that, but wanted to see if any other people would. It has helped me anecdotally, and many other people. There are studies being done at universities that prove psilocybin help with mental and behavior issues.

Obviously don't just take my word for it. Look into it. Have a trip sitter or someone experienced that can talk you through your thoughts if you need it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

yeah, as long as you treat the experience with the respect it deserves it's beneficial, people get into trouble with it when they mix it with other drugs or just take it with no considerations

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Try LSD. It's like being a kid again.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Or mushrooms.

Ops not joking. It literally allows your brain to create new pathways instead of being stuck with the same boring bullshit that repeats in daily life.

Just make sure you dose right and teach yourself in a proper way instead of taking what some friend hands you to "tRiP bAlLzzz, mannn". Treat it like medicine.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I came here to say that as well. Or, as @vd1n says, mushrooms. It really helps remind you that the world is wondrous, and even after it's over, it makes it easier to see the joy in everything.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's exactly why we do drugs

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Just go eat a bunch of psilocybin and report back OP

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's kind of the opposite for me. Like many people said, when you are young, every experience mostly feels new. However, when everything feels new to you, there's really nothing special about it. For me, I always embraced the familiar. I look back at my memories of family vacations with disappointment, because as everyone else was wanting to go and do fun things, I was complaining about how I would rather be watching TV or playing my gameboy. Now as an adult, I understand how precious our experiences can be. I look out at a mountain and I appreciate the beauty of it. I think about the history that has taken place around it. I think about how other people might have experienced it. I get so much more from it than I ever would have as a child.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Same here. It simply comes from within. Everything now is so special because I'm aware how fleeting everything is.

Thanks for your comment. It resonated a lot with my experience.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I recently read that in a neurotypical human being, the succession of two experiences only has a big impact on brain activity for the first experience, while the second makes a smaller spike. In psychotic patients on the other hand, the impression makes two equally large spikes both times. In the experiment, the experience was hearing a ballpoint pen click. So maybe being dulled to former experience is important for the brain to function properly, just a side effect of our natural brain filter.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

Man, I don’t know, but this post was beautifully crafted, you sir are a poet.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's do with living in the moment vs spending your time thinking about what you did or worrying about what the future might bring, IMHO.

We become way more prone to spend our time doing things like thinking about stuff we did (and how we miss it if it was good or could've done it better if it was bad) and worrying about what the future can bring (and not necessarily in grand terms: somethingas simple as "I have to get a haircut" which then goes one to "when will I have the time", then "but I need that time for X" and so on) as we grow older.

You absolutelly can still have some moments of wonder (for things as simple as how a cobweb looks with droplets of morning mist on it) but you need to be present there in mind also, not just in body, and not to not let some memory or concern rush in to take your mental attention away from the now.

I had a point in my life with a ton of anxiety and ended up learning Mindfulness (which is simply to try and not say anything to yourself in your mind, which is surprisingly hard to do for more than a few seconds) to stop the feeling (if you're not constantly looking back to something bad or fearing for something bad in the future you don't feel anxious about those things) and as a side effect I ended up with the habit of being more often present in the moment and that's how you just enjoy little wonders when you come across them.

Still, it's nowhere at the level one has as a kid.

[–] Ranjeliq 20 points 1 year ago

I understand what you mean, I have the same feeling - everything is a but less vivid now.

I am no expert, but my guess that is happening because you have much more experience with the world now. As we age, the number of things that will be completely new to us becomes smaller and smaller. We just have more experience, and even if we haven't seen/felt/heard something particular, chances are, that your brain still won't be completely surprised - it will be able to find some experiences that you have which are close to that new thing.

But when you are a kid - there is a whole world of things you didn't experience at all or didn't experience enough to understand fully. That's why everything was so vivid - there was a lot of "truly" new experiences.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Fully recommend the psychedelics BUT it's not for everyone.

Practice mindfulness through meditation.

Psychedelics do what that does but does so through explosive force, lol.

Mindfulness is so fundamentally critical to feeling alive again. That breeze still exists. The sound of the cicadas buzzing away is still there. The scent of rain still permeates.

Meditation isn't going "ohmmmmm🧘". It's a practice of clearing your mind, and living through your senses. Discerning your existence through means other than thought.

When you were a kid, you didn't have the capacity to only think like you do now. You were jumping between thought and raw sensory analysis. You were both free and grounded through your senses.

It's about finding a balance that as a kid you couldn't obtain, and that as an adult you have forsaken.

Good luck friend. Just know that you can get back to that.

Edit: I'd like to add that you practice until it's second nature, and you become much more aware as a result. You won't need to stop to smell those roses - they will grab your attention.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I felt similar. Then I had a kid and seeing the world through their eyes brings much of it back. Nothing quite like the rush of emotions (and sleep deprivation) of being a parent to a young child.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Firstly I just want to say that this is really interesting post and I love that you've asked this question. Secondly, as someone who experienced child abuse I don't know where to even start in answering this question because as an adult I'm now in a space where I can actually feel my feelings and express them safely.

I think life is maybe similar to being in a long term relationship. There are times when every little thing life does annoys you or times where it's just eh and you realise you need to actively spice things up. And then there are times when you are completely overcome by joy thinking about how much you love life, how much you've been through together, and how excited you are to spend the rest of your lives together.

If you're looking for a suggestion on spicing things up I highly recommended jumping into some existential philosophy. It's like the intellectual equivalent of a roller coaster I guess.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

If you read up on how our brains age, it's basically pruning neuron branches. While this is a good thing up to a point, the pruning process continues well past our brains' peak performance because evolution is done with you at that point, I.e. you had your kids by then.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/nov/19/brain-tree-why-we-replenish-only-some-of-our-cells

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

I can only speak from personal experience, but I feel much the same way you do. However, novelty still does it for me. And I think that's the explanation for the gradual drop-off. When you're young, everything is new. By the time you're older, you've seen it all, and so those little spikes of novelty are few and far between.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Well firstly your senses do start dulling (eyesight, hearing), and secondly you have way more context on the world itself (the mortgage bond, climate change, pollution, family responsibilities, social media trolls, the fragility of bones and life, etc). So I suppose your brain is less focussed on the moment, and you've got a bit cynical about life ;-)

I accept that the way I looked at life and moments at 15, 25 and 50 are fairly different. Decisions I took at 25 were right for me then, but today I would have decided differently, but then I would not be where I am today either.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I don't know about normal, but I have more than 50 years and not jaded yet - the dish soap making bubbles still delights me, the beautiful sky makes me stop and stare, the smell of the night blooming jasmine, the world is just so incredible I don't know how anybody can really get used to it. Like, the fact that you get to exist at all, with consciousness and a physical body, it's not something I can take for granted.

Now if you mean am I more busy or distracted now? I think again the answer is no but I didn't like childhood and have enjoyed being an adult.

I would suggest a dream journal and trying to lucid dream, if your waking self has lost its sense of wonder

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

See, and that guy is proof not everyone get's recessive depression. I wish you dear luck staying like this, dude.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Part of it is looking back through rose-colored glasses. Sure, there was joy, but there was that time you stubbed your toe and you got so emotionally disregulated that you cried for an hour, or the time your parents put the wrong color socks on you and you screamed a bad word at them and refused to leave the house, or... etc.

You learned to regulate your emotions. That's mostly a good thing, but it also means that you learn to control yourself in the moment, and you don't tend to lose yourself in joy like you did as a child.

And that's OK. I enjoy things differently now, than I did then. Back then, when I played with a toy car, it gave me great joy but if something broke, or things didn't go my way, I also suffered uncontrollable anger and frustration. Today, when I take my TRX-4 trail truck out on the trails, I feel a different kind of joy that is mixed with intellectual understanding of the engineering of the machine, an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world that I didn't have as a child, etc. And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Heck, it's enjoyable to break things, take them apart, and fix them again. That certainly wasn't true when I was 6.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Things can't be fresh and new(ish) experiences forever. Welcome to entropy of the mind. However, there are always more fresh experiences out there for you to marvel at, you just have to find them.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yeah I would say it's definitely normal. I just try to get out there and push myself to do new things, and really be present and thankful for the beautiful things that I do experience.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Due to climate change, there are less roses to smell. You could just be coping with the fact that you are aware of more pressing issues nowadays.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hey OP, a lot of people are suggesting psilocybin or other psychedelics. If you're interested you can ask questions about that in the [email protected] community. I moderate it but there are psychonauts there that know about this stuff who are friendly and helpful.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

There is definitely nothing wrong with you. There's a reason the phrase "childlike wonder" exists. It's normal for the newness and novelty of everything to amaze a child, and it's normal for experiences to become routine to adults. Even if you do experience something new, there's a very good chance that it's similar enough to something you've experienced before. Brains are designed to find patterns and relate things back to past experiences as part of a survival instinct.

But there is also nothing wrong with people who don't have the experience I described above. The above experience is probably more common for people with neurotypical brains. I've never been able to relate to "not feeling" or "feeling less", even though it seems to be quite common. My feelings are always a live wire, dialed up to 100 (and honestly, I'm over people - including doctors - telling me how nice that must be). But there's nothing "wrong" with my brain. It just functions differently, with different strengths and weaknesses. It's like comparing a car and a motorbike. They have different driving sensations, require different skill sets and safety precautions, but they're both vehicles that will get you from A to B.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Are farts still funny? Then you're good

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

For real though, you might be depressed. Talking to a therapist could help suss that out.

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