this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2023

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Could you help me with a bit of life advice? Ending uni, scared of going forward. (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hi,

I'm at that point in life where I'm facing big changes/having to take decisions for the first time and I'm scared.

I'll soon be starting an internship abroad with a good company and, silly to say, I'm getting cold feet. I'm scared of the move and about the future - at the possibility that I'll like it and want to go there, and leave the people here behind.

I'm also scared that my partner wouldn't want to come with me if that were the case. They say they aren't sure yet. I understand, but it still makes me feel anxious for the future. I would hate to be in the situation where I would have to choose between a good job and losing my partner. It's so silly writing this down.

I think I'm just rambling and could use someone older to give me some advice about the way their life went. I dont really have older role models around, I'm on my own with this one. I guess that's part of the problem. I'm full of internal conflict, on so many topics at once - from practical life direction to things like philosophical/ideological matters.

Thanks for reading this. Hope life is kind to you.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Just enjoy the ride. Being alive is crazy. Don't take things super seriously, cause tbh, ain't nothing worth any amount of undue stress. Not your job, not your lover, nothing. Follow your gut. Try new things. You probably won't feel at home in your own skin until much later, and the journey to that point is the BEST.

Your gonna hit rough patches. Don't fear or hate that. Take it. It's experience, and it will all culminate into who you are.

Let yourself feel your emotions, and actually think about them. It's a great way to get rid of unwarranted emotions.

Try to be mindful. And try to be appreciative that you get to experience anything at all.

Look I fucked my life up. I fucked it up. But guess what? I wouldn't trade my experience for the fucking world. Never. So did I really fuck it up? I've always been me.

When it comes down to it, life is very simple. And those are the things that tend to be the most complicated for us. In the end, your the only one who's gotta live with your decisions. At worst, you'll have some crazy stories or die 🤷

Sorry if that was unhelpful

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Here's the good news: if you get to the company and it turns out you hate being there, you can always quit and go home. I'm not encouraging you to do this but it's true nonetheless. Besides, internships typically have expiration dates so you are going to have to decide what to do afterwards anyway.

When I graduated, I got into the trap of thinking that my job would be the rest of my life. The truth is that you will probably have a ton of jobs and there are constantly opportunities to change your path in life.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I might have worded things a bit poorly - it's not only about the internship (I'll be going, of course) but more about things changing and trying to decide between paths(do I move abroad or do I stay where I am? do I even like my field as a job? what do I value/want from life? et. al.) im not sure how to handle not having a streamlined path ahead anymore.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah, I know that feeling. It's scary to go "off the rails" and have to make tough decisions without an external guide. Here is some advice that I was given that I found really helpful: just stay on your current trajectory until the situation becomes unbearable. If you leave too early, you'll have regrets, so it's better to wait until the right decision becomes obvious. For you I guess, that would mean staying in your current career path and just seeing how far you can go.

As for worrying about finding yourself, I wouldn't get too deep into it became there isn't a clear answer for anyone. The important questions are: 1) what do you want right now? (friends, hobbies, SO) and 2) what are you pretty sure you'll need in the future (money, education, etc)? The answer to both will also change as time goes by.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I'm just a dumbass in my late twenties, but I encourage you to ignore the nervousness and make the most of this exciting experience abroad! Feeling lost and worried about the future is a normal part of being human, in my opinion. You'll figure it out.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's perfectly natural to be scared of change but it is fruitless because change is going to happen whether you want it to or not. Even if you stay here, things are going to change. Remember that and use it to help you get past your fear of change.

You're also focusing on the negatives, what about the positives? What if this internship turns out to be the best thing you've ever done? What if it does lead you to wanting to stay there which then leads you to an amazing life that you love and makes you happy? Even if you stay here, you and your partner might not stay together and how would you feel if you gave up this opportunity and you guys break up 6 months down the road and you're full of regret for not taking the internship?

If I were you I would 100% take the internship abroad, that's an opportunity that the majority of people don't get. Take it!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll definitely be going, there's no going back on that, it would be incredibly silly of me not to. I think I'm just finding it hard to adjust to life changing around me again. I had a really rough time growing up and university did me a whole lot of good, I adapted really well, got good grades, was social, and I'm just afraid of taking myself out of my comfort zone by moving when this was pretty much the first and only time in my life that I've felt fine.

It's even more silly because I'm not even done with uni yet, I still have one more year to go in my master's. I'm just the kind of person that tries their hardest to plan their future, but right now I'm staring at a great unknown that I can't rationally manage and find it hard to just "go with the flow" - is it even wise for me to do that?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Eventually your friends will all end up going their own ways too, forging their life paths. Doesn't mean you won't see them again and you'll meet new people. It just takes a little more effort since you all won't be in the same place anymore.

Don't stunt your future because of fear. Flip that energy into excitement and look towards the what could be. You got this.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

No matter which path you choose in life there will always be regret, going with one option means abandoning other options. Try to choose options which you think will leave you with least regret. The best thing we can do is to try our best.

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