Ask Lemmy

USA, Catholic school - Sex Ed was nonexistent

Lots of info about STDs and several instances of putting condoms on a banana. I actually learned more in biology and real life experience than in sex ed.

In elementary/middle school at a small Catholic school in a progressive major North American city, it was a week or two where we got some workbooks and were separated by sex (this was as gender discussions were beginning to hit the mainstream). They were fine, they were certainly informative and educational and didn't lie. I do recall them focusing on abstinence but it was mostly about the biology and family planning iirc.

I then went to the largest public high school in my city. Freshman year we had a health class and an entire unit was focused on sexual health. We learned about different contraceptive methods and their efficacy, STIs (had to do group presentations on them), the biology and in/outs of reproduction, sexual and gender orientation (iirc), the legality of things and actions and some stuff about consent (as a kink practitioner and queer person, I would've liked more but it's probably a lot more than most have ever learned about consent), and things along those lines. We were also given resources and our teacher was super nice and helpful about this stuff.

We also learned about drugs, the different types of drugs, their effects, withdrawals, and risks. It was municipally mandated, if not state mandated, educational content so it was standardized at least across the city, but I kinda doubt it's taught as equitably as it was in my high school. But it was incredibly comprehensive and extremely educational. While I still made a lot of mistakes as a dumb horny teenager, did things i shouldn't have, and got hurt/hurt people by being a dumb horny teenager (no SA/SH), it prepared me very well for my experiences and set me up to be the safe and respectful person I am today (who knows how to safely disrespect you when you ask nicely <3)

In Scotland we had a VHS the class watched when we were 9/10 which had a basic diagram of intercourse. The voiceover said, "Note how they fit together, like a jigsaw puzzle."

Seared into my brain. I remember asking if the sperm from the video "could think" like tadpoles did. Never got a proper answer!

Then secondary school had lessons about the reproductive cycle in mandatory biology class. Slightly later, when we were 14 or so, they had demonstrations about how to put on condoms.

Edit: btw does anyone know if sperm can think? k thanks

There was a bit at 3rd grade "difference between boys and girls and where babys come from" (no no sex talk)

In 5th grade I was absent in hospital but in 5th grade you learn sexual biologie, contraceptions, menstruation, puberty and i think STDs. When i got back from hospital it was mid way into the lessons about female genitalia and tampons so i didnt learn it from school but from books at home. I dont know if they talked about different sexualitys existing, if not this needs to change.

7th grade has puberty and hormones, genetics, pregnacy and birth.

I dont know what it was in 9th grade but there defenetly was also something that could fall under 'sex ed".

It always was open, no shaming and professional

Germany Bavaria. It is manditory and you cant take your child out of those classes because its part of the regular biologie class

Maryland early 2000s. We had a real health teacher. It was pretty clinical and factual for the most part. The only thing that really stood out was the teacher telling us that peeing killed any sperm left in the urethra and a kid asking if he could "piss in his woman and not wear a condom." This poor old teacher has to say "Do not piss in your woman."

Only what was on the biology national exam spec. Lots of hormone cycles of FSH and lutenising hormone, literally nothing outside the cervix.

I'm in Finland, in my 40s. I don't remember much. I think in the early teens we did have lessons in school about sex and reproductive biology. What I do remember is the "real" sex education stuff around 15-16 years of age, that was part of the health education classes, because, well, I think it got inadvertently weird. The physical education / health education teacher we had was retiring that year. To no one's surprise, the stuff in the textbook was left for us to read on our own. Because "ummm I don't think I need to cover this, uhhh heh heh, ummm, you kids probably already know about this". And everyone was, like, thank God we were spared of that.

Middle School (Mississippi): Basically all lies: having sex with a condom will give you AIDS, abortions are evil and most women who get them die of cancer or suicide. Even 6th grade me knew that shit was fucking wrong, but I was already on thin ice in that school for fucking up the curve, thank Homosexual Jesus that I was only there half a year.

Junior High (New Jersey): Skip ahead to 9th grade. Sex-Ed was taught by a terrified gym teacher who was just adorable. This was pretty comprehensive, lots of biology and factual information. It was the early 90s so a big part of it was teaching how to avoid getting HIV, teaching both abstinence and condoms. Some mention of same-sex relationships, but when asked about the risk of HIV transmission from lesbian sex he blanched and said he didn't know. No real fault here given the time period. They also taught various forms of birth control and other STIs. There was an undercurrent of promoting abstinence but also some pragmatic realism. In retrospect it could have been better, but compared to most of the country it was very good.

Being extremely queer in an extremely conservative family, *INHALES*

Mostly porn as a kid, then actual research on my own. Sucks that sex ed is so ignored

Texas: We had it three times. All three times were ineffectual or outright wrong.

First was in 3rd grade (9 years old) where the boys and girls were split into different classrooms. This was mostly the “your body is going to change, your penis will sometimes get hard, you’ll get hair in new places, please for the love of god wear antiperspirant” talk. They didn’t really touch on the opposite sex at all in this one, except to vaguely say that the girls would also experience some changes of their own.

Second was in middle school, probably 7th grade (13 years old). They marched us all into the gymatorium and had us sit on the floor in front of the stage. They brought in a dude who looked and acted a lot like a church youth leader. Very much the “hey kids, I’m the cool relatable teacher” type. This was an abstinence-only sex talk. We were told that condoms don’t prevent pregnancy or STIs, (“on the microscopic level, latex looks like Swiss cheese”), and can actually increase the risk of STIs in some cases by “sealing everything in”. We were told that women’s birth control is ineffective and probably shouldn’t even be legal to sell because of the horrible side effects. We were shown lots of gory and graphic images of sex organs in various states of disease or decay. This was basically the start of the “if you have sex you’re going to catch a ton of diseases and then die” messaging. We were told that the only safe way to have sex is to wait until after marriage.

Then in high school, we had Health as a required elective. It could be taken anywhere from 9th to 12th grade (15-18 years old). The class was mostly focused on things like nutrition (using the very outdated food pyramid) and exercise (without any actual practical portions where we went to the gym). Sex ed in this class consisted of a single class session (~55 minutes) of more “if you have sex it’ll rot, and then you’ll die” messaging.

Naturally, kids had a lot of unprotected sex, because teenagers are horny. They tried sex, realized they didn’t seem to get sick, and then kept having it. And they didn’t use protection, because they were told that condoms were ineffective. IIRC we had around a dozen girls get pregnant in high school. Also, all three sex talks were entirely heteronormative, with zero mention of LGBTQ+ stuff.

Edit: My partner went to school in a neighboring town. They didn’t get the middle school talk, and Health was an optional elective for their high school. So the only one they actually got was the first talk in elementary school.

Technical, but no mention of the social, psychological, or emotional aspects of sexuality.

Female orgasm was literally never discussed or even spoken of. This was in the very conservative city of Anaheim, in very conservative Orange County, California.

I remember in elementary school we had a lesson on sex organs. When I turned in my test paper, I curiously asked my teacher, "If the sperm is in the male, and the egg is in the female, how does the sperm transfer over?"

All she said was, "Well, what do you think?" To which I replied, "I don't know." Then I quietly returned to my desk. Later I discussed it with my friend and we concluded that a male must pee into a female. Because at the time, pee was the only thing we knew came out of the penis.

Switzerland:

• We had it first when I was in 6th grade in biology. This was mostly here are your reproductive organs and here is what happens when you reproduce.

• Second time was in 8th grade, here we had once again everything we had in primary school + a little more in-deph + including a little bit genetics & sexuall illnesses.

• That year we also had a talk about consent, birth controll and struggles of teen pregnancy in houskeeping class.

• Later that year we had STD prevention week, where they explained every known STD and their symptoms including images of the sympthoms+ showed interviews with people afected and the history of the STDs and how they are treated ect. (That was scary AF, but hey we got free condoms)

• Later I moved to the Gymnasium and we had it once again but mostly focusing on genetics.

Edit: this is where I lived in Switzerland and not for the whole country as in Switzetland every Kanton has their own school ecosystem)

It was pure abstinence only. Our teachers were only allowed to tell us not to have sex, and that was pretty much it. Never even saw a diagram of a vagina or a penis.

My parents had bought a book on the subject to read to us kids. I got a hold of it first and read it by myself. When my dad brought me to bed, I "educated" him about where kids come from. It's still one of my parents' favorite stories about me as a kid.

In school, sex ed was alright. They taught us everything we need to know incl. how to prevent STDs and pregnancies. The only thing I would criticize in hindsight is that they used giant test tubes (25cm) to teach us how to put on condoms. That made a lot of boys feel inadequate.

Christian teachers showing us pictures of STI infections that had been left alone for probably years before the patient went to/was able to go to a doctor in an effort to scare us into celibacy. Generally a scarring experience that didn't really teach us anything other than to practice safe sex.

*This was in the early 2000s IIRC.

Reading through the comments I remembered about a really great sex-positive TV show I would always watch late at night at around the same time my public education failed in teaching me about sex. The hosts were a really attractive Asian-looking guy with flowy hair and always wore a silk shirt with the top 2-3 buttons undone and a really attractive white girl that always wore a lot of tight clothes. They went over a lot of topics regarding attraction, safe-sex, how to deal with STIs; however, I don't think there were any specific segments on anything LGBTQ+, but IIRC they didn't need to because they way they presented things were easily applied to any sexual orientation. As in they talked about anal sex and how to do it safely and whatnot without specifically saying gex. I would love to read more about it, so if you know what it was called please lmk.

In the UK in the 1970s we were shown cross sections of male and family reproductive organs and copied pages out of a textbook about the essential mechanics. I can't remember any discussion or moral guidance in the slightest. But then at that point I was well into my 'hedge porn' stage so that's how I really educated myself.

The school took us on a field trip to the hospital where they told us that if we have sex we will get aids and die.

A nurse told us a horror story of a teenage mother who died and they showed us some fetuses in jars.

This was in central FL in the 90s

My sex ed was pretty thorough I feel. It was part of our health units in school from grades 5-9. In the earlier grades, the class would be split into boys and girls, but as I got older the entire class was part of the lesson.

Most sex ed classes involved: -Showing diagrams of female and male reproductive organs (we had to label each one which I hated doing) -Students being able to ask questions about sex or puberty -Learning about consent -STI and safe sex -Birth control methods

There was also a LGBT/gender portion that was added to the curriculum later on. It covered things like: -Differences between gender and sex -Sexual vs romantic attraction (also covered ace/Aro people I believe)

• What makes a person binary trans people or non binary -Defining different sexualities (gay, lesbians, bi, etc) -Differences between gender identity and gender expression

Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with how all this was taught to me.

9th grade. Public school. Teacher opens the first class with "All penises are the same size" and "I don't answer questions. That's what your handouts are for". I can't for the life of me understand how my generation had such a high teenage pregnancy rate, can you?

I had an surprising one, actually: I went to a private religious school, but I had a strangely comprehensive sex education.

It started with unvarnished discussions of human anatomy and cautions about sexual abuse around age 8, and then moved on to the basics of (hetero)sexuality by the time I was a preteen. In high school that continued, though talk about birth control was postponed until the health units of later physical education courses, which not everyone took. Of course, the stress was always that sexual activity should be limited to monogamous (heterosexual) marriage, and there was no mention of anything outside of the hetero-normative.

The last wrinkle was that it was all opt-out. At every point, there was at least one person who would leave the room for the duration of the class because their parents really didn't want them learning about naughty bits.

So it ended up actually providing a pretty good foundation. It was still incomplete and biased, but a lot better than what you would expect when you hear "private religious school."

I was raised partially in a Unitarian Universalist church which believes in comprehensive sex education. I was still a dumbass about it but they definitely tried to inform me and I think I have a healthier sex life than most people have had.

Sitting around a table in the school library and trying not to giggle while a catholic priest told us about the dangers of sex, that it was for procreation only and that abortion was evil.

This priest had left that parish a few years earlier but they brought him back to teach sex ed.

It was later learned that he had been molesting children while at the parish.

We had some diagrams about the sex organs. And an overview of birth control (IUD, condom, etc.). I had it twice. Once in Middle School, and it was a generic overview at best (mostly "for the love of God, don't") and then a more detailed one in high school. I believe they also showed us a woman giving birth.

Ohh, good question!

Well, in middle school, the teachers split the boys from the girls. Unfortunately, we got stuck with the security guard as our male role model. Instead of talking about how our dicks are supposed to work during puberty, he spent the hour vagely instructing a bunch of kids how to flirt with women. It was boring as shit, kind of inappropriate, and we would've been better off doing literally anything else. I also wasn't taught sex ed at my high school. I have a vague memory of being gathered once in the auditorium for a talk this one time, but I don't remember them going over anything important.

So instead, I used to frequent the local LGBT community center for years after school. And that's where I got all my real education about so many interesting topics. The space was sex-positive, meaning you could openly discuss it educationally, share your experiences, and ask questions without judgment. They covered all the types of sexual orientations, all the types of condoms, sex toys, sexual practices, diseases, treatment options, warned about drug use during sex, gave a lot of health recommendations with the latest research, the whole nine yards. They regularly had programming for young adults during weeknights with topics relating to the community that didn't necessarily relate to sex. It was amazing and eye-opening to have my gay life fully explained before I became an adult. I wish it were more common, if only for the experience alone, which was wonderful.

But what I love is that I've seen the same format again at my current LGBT community center in another country. It wouldn't surprise me if I walked in and kindly asked for help, and they'd answer all my questions regardless of my background or orientation or whatever. Their willingness to communicate accurate medical information for your safety is incredible.

I had several classes during different years, but what I recall from the first, in middle school during the mid 90s, was our teacher, Bunny Morris. She was memorizable because her son was nationally renowned pop artist Burton Morris.

She was fine. I recall that she started her class with the statement that "we are all sexual beings", which sounded cheesey to me at the time but in hindsight seems like a very lucid mission statement for introducing preteens to sexual education.

I don't remember the specifics, but I have great sexual health as an adult, so I suppose she did her job. It definitely wasn't the shamey kind.

Watching a 60y/o blind woman put a condom on a wooden banana waaaaaay bigger than any penis I've ever seen.

It was early 00’s in the US South and basically boiled down to don’t have sex before marriage, you WILL catch an STD (boys) or get pregnant (girls). Our science teacher though, went off script their last year teaching, and said we’d likely ignore the advice to abstain and if we did have sex, to use a condom. I always liked that teacher.

This same public high school also taught the life and death of Jesus in history class.

Almost 100% via public school.

My first sex-ed class was in fourth grade, then another in fifth and sixth grade. In junior high and high school I was required to take general health courses that covered aspects of sex.

My religious parents didn't teach me shit and I wish they had.

It was perfectly OK and uneventful enough that I'll never understand why anyone would feel the need to discuss it.