this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
101 points (93.2% liked)

196

2853 readers
1844 users here now

Community Rules

You must post before you leave

Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).

Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.

Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.

Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".

Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.

Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.

Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.

Avoid AI generated content.

Avoid misinformation.

Avoid incomprehensible posts.

No threats or personal attacks.

No spam.

Moderator Guidelines

Moderator Guidelines

  • Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
  • Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
  • When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
  • Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
  • Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
  • Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
  • Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
  • Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
  • Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
  • Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
  • Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
  • Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
  • First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
  • Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
  • No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
  • Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
  • Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.

founded 2 months ago
MODERATORS
 

Note: unless you're deliberately obscuring someone's gender and know their preferred pronouns, use their preferred pronouns.

all 23 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MajorHavoc 39 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I also use "they/them" until someone shares their pronouns.

Officially, I do this to avoid misgendering people.

Really, I do it because some snowflakes are too fragile to share their pronouns, and I enjoy annoying them until they do.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Really, I do it because some snowflakes are too fragile to share their pronouns, and I enjoy annoying them until they do.

hello from a snowflake who is stuck in the closet, and too fragile to share my pronouns because it forces me to misgender myself and reminds me of how far i am from a life that feels like mine

i don't disagree with the they/them-by-default policy (principle of least harm etc), but if you ever find people being less than enthusiastic about it or reluctant to state their pronouns, please consider that there could be other reasons

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago

I mean if someone doesn't want to share their pronouns what do they really expect, they should share them or accept they/them without complaining. Can't expect other people to read minds.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is this a transguy meme, since it's concealing the he/him pronouns with a silencer (they/them)? Based.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'm pretty sure the metaphor is that the figure is going to misgender a she/her as they/them, to have plausible deniability, when they really intended to misgender as he/him.

I don't think this is a very well crafted one, it doesn't read clearly as evidenced by the paragraph of supporting details posted alongside.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

Yep. Those people who insist the singular they isn't acceptable English whip that shit out when they see a brick in a dress

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah this isn't a well crafted meme at all. The point should be way more clear but just isn't.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I think it's cool how we're out here complaining about the sub-par memecraft.

[–] MajorHavoc 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My preferred pronouns are actually "none of your business/fuck off", but I settle for "they/them" for professionalism reasons. (Until I retire. Then my pronouns change officially everywhere.)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Nice meme. Ps they're just pronouns now. Preferred implies they are a preference and not a fact.

https://glaad.org/reference/transgender https://www.glsen.org/activity/pronouns-guide-glsen

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago

thank you for those articles, it was a great read

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Exactly. I prefer soup over salad, because that's my preference. My pronouns are she/her, because that's my identity.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I say they/them a lot because I suck at remembering names, and pronouns the same thing (only harder to remember, because they're mostly not unique).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

What if I use preferred pronouns and they/them at the same time in the same conversation? My speech is basically peppered like that normally for everyone.

"She is doing great, they really has come a long way in painting."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

they really has

I still conjugate they as its plural form even when talking about an individual, is that not what most people do? For example:

they really have

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago

Hmm I guess that does make sense as well. Don't think I have thought about it that much as when used this way you are talking about an individual. I suppose it is officially grammatically incorrect.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago

i think this is correct, but I see why someone would use "has" to emphasize that they are talking about a singular person

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I have a friend who just can't seem to get the hang of she/her and they/thems me a lot and it drives me kinda crazy. Much rather be he/him'd than they/them'd

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

what about being hee/hee'd?

he

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

While your feelings are completely valid, I think most people experience the opposite. Even back when my preferred pronouns were only she/her, being he/him'd felt like a punch to the face, and they/them just slid right past me. Maybe that was just a sign that I'd end up being okay with she/they (at least from cis people, my preference around other queer folks is pup/it).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Oh yeah for sure I am not typical. I might be closer to enby than trans woman, idk. I see other trans women be so sure and confident, like "I am a woman and I'm going to make the changes to bring my body and appearance in line with that" and I'm over here uncomfortable calling myself a woman, slowly following the trail of happiness breadcrumbs that are leading me to being a woman. I think I dislike they/them so much because it plays into my insecurity and doubt. I like she/her but I don't mind he/him cause that still feels like who I am at the moment, even if that's not who I want to be. They/them just feels like people walking on eggshells around me afraid to offend me and unknowingly doing the exact opposite. In the end it doesn't really matter, the rest of my life is far more painful than gender problems

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

tbh i feel almost exactly the same way (though i'm probably not enby).

she/her feels dangerous, because if i act or am treated as femme then the transphobes in my life might start to suspect me. they/them just feels totally wrong, it's not who i am. he/him at least feels safe, because it won't raise any suspicions...

AND just like you, gender is probably gonna be the least painful part of the next decade for me lol