this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2025
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CRTart

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A dumping ground of art created from various CRT monitors and TV's.

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I am a few hours away from ending my life, wanted to tell all who subscribed and thought my little art project was neat a big thank you. You all brought me joy in a fun project I had. I was recovering from my 4th concussion when I was most active here, these images I created were helping me heal and express myself when I couldn't work.

I felt I could contribute something to a budding community on the fediverse. It helped tremendously in my recovery having some direction and goals.

Today my story comes to a close, I'm drinking myself to death along with a couple sleeping meds and ibuprofen bc it's what I have handy. I was going to turn my life around working as a life insurance salesman. However it required so much upfront cost to get started than I had available. I had put all my eggs in one basket. I cannot afford rent today. I've let down my two roommates, my wonderful girlfriend who believed in a shared future together, and my daughter who has 11 more years to work out with her mother.

Fuck capitalism, fuck Trump and his entire cabinet along with the GOP, fuck the United States of America.

Listen to some Rush (hemispheres specifically) for me and punch some Nazis.

Long love the fediverse, long live you all here.

Love, Rebels_Droppin (Logan)

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 hours ago

Dude please don't at least for your child, she will always be better off with you around.

This video has kept me going sometimes when nothing else will

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago

Hey Logan don't let that voice get to you. I was also in the position where it seemed like it would be the best option to just end it. It does change, like simply can't keep being bad. When life gets me real down, I tell myself "this too shall pass, it might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass"

Life can and will be good once again. I know you don't know me, but you must believe me <3.

If you want to, please write me a message and we can chat a little^^ I don't mind an info dump or two and a few rants.

Love kamilla^^

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

Hey it's 11 hours later, just wanting to check up on you. Hope you are well.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 hours ago

Don't let the GoP win, those fuckers aren't worth an in grown pubic hair. Stay and fight back. It's not easy, but we're the ones that have to get it done.

Don't ever let those fuckers win. You're better than they'll ever be.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 hours ago

Your daughter needs you, Logan. Stay here for her and for us!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago

Please, don't.

Stay with us.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 17 hours ago

Hey dude. I don't know you at all but I can promise you it gets better. Not right away. And not without effort on your behalf but it can get better.

Your little girl won't understand. She's going to have questions for the rest of her life that she can't ask because you won't be around to answer them.

I was right where you are right now a couple years ago. I'm talking blitzed out of my mind sitting on the edge of a bridge ready to jump.

I completely understand wanting to check out. I've been there. But the ones who love you will never recover.

I've seen too many peoples lives permanently change forever because someone close to them killed themselves.

Please don't do it. Go hug your daughter and make sure she grows up feeling safe and loves.

[–] PokerChips 17 points 17 hours ago

You have a wonderful girlfriend so you're already winning. Get a hug from her and go face the consequences with your roommates. It sucks but you'll win in the end.

Get a crappy job for now and bear through it for a few months.

If they kick you out then your free. It sucks being homeless but you get to come back from Rock bottom on your own terms.

Get a pass to a 24 hour gym where you can take showers and even kill a lot of down time by working out and improving yourself.

But once it's over it's over and your legacy will not be good

Take everybody's advice and make your legacy awesome!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 17 hours ago

I survived 3 cancers and 2 amputations. Trust me, it gets better.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 14 hours ago

Dude, depressions, concusions, etc are all a bitch, no doubt.

What keeps me going is knowing I'll die one day anyway. It's not like I have to do this forever.

I enjoyed your posts. Even found you on pixelfed (or was it loops?)

Idk man, I don't know what to say. I hope you don't follow-through but I also know my comment won't change that.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 17 hours ago

Just stop. Take a breath. You've only got a couple of dozen of years to be alive, and all of eternity to be dead. There's no rush to make a decision you can't undo.

Give yourself time to take a step back from your pain. Eat a good meal and distract yourself with your favorite show or game or person. Take time to heal. If that means putting the rest of your life on hold, do it. No one wants you dead, and there are amazingly good things waiting for you if you can pick yourself up and get through this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

I really, really hoped that you changed your mind, but

Listen to some Rush (hemispheres specifically) for me and punch some Nazis.

🫡

[–] [email protected] 15 points 17 hours ago

Hey bud. You got to me on one of the worst days of my life. But I am not choosing to end it. Go take a nice shower, a walk outside. There is a lot to finish here in life. The best thing we can do to combat the state of the world is be the change we wish to see in it. I. Taking ourselves out just makes the world worse.

Living is terrifying. It is the scariest thing anyone does. But you will find the strength you need to keep going and change your life for the better. And there will be so many people who will be thankful you did.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

Please don't.

(Please call a friend or family member if you can, or call a helpline: https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ If you've already taken an overdose of pills then please call 911 right now and get medical help.)

Logan, I don't know who you are or what you're going through, but whatever it is, it's not worth this.

Your feelings are real and valid, and I'm sorry you're in such desperation and pain that you would consider something so drastic.

Your value as a human being is not tied to the amount of money you have in the bank, whether you have a career, or any other superficial capitalist Americana bullshit like that.

Becoming an insurance salesman is not what life is about, nor is it the only chance you have to make things better for yourself. If you can't afford rent, that's your landlord's problem for now. Being broke isn't some crime that deserves death, nor is it something that you can't improved.

Things are bad. I understand and feel you. But they will get better. I'm asking you to find hope in hopelessness, and to believe in a future where you and the people you love can be happy. I believe that you can do it.

You clearly have people who love you and care about you... and even if you didn't you can always love and care about yourself.

Please call a friend or family member if you can, or call a helpline: https://988lifeline.org/get-help/ If you've already taken an overdose of pills then please call 911 right now and get medical help.

Yeah politics and work are trash, and money fucking sucks for everyone but the super rich. But there's music to be listened to, pizza to eat, nuts to bust, weed to smoke, movies to watch, games to play, long nights with friends and family, making art and music, and just chilling in a big ball of blankets.

It shouldn't be up to YOU to pay the ultimate price for a society that's been engineered to rip us off. Don't fuckin' do it man!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 17 hours ago

Logan, please don't leave the world we share. I don't know you but I believe you are worthy and capable of recovery. I believe everyone is. Please call the helpline, and live, if not for me or you, then for your loved ones; your daughter, your SO, your friends.

The road to healing will be a long one. Stay the course. You've made it this far, and it's just a bit further now. I'm on your side.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 17 hours ago

The fediverse is here for you Logan.

We want you to see the Nazi punching and celebrate with us - and your art - when they are defeated again.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 17 hours ago

Killing yourself takes courage but maybe stick around? You can always do it some other time

[–] [email protected] 5 points 17 hours ago

You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Suicide Hotline resources below. They've gotten me through it before, a couple years ago, and I'm damn happy that I'm still here. You got this.

Argentina: +5402234930430

Australia: 131114

Austria: 017133374

Belgium: 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 212339191

Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223

Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

Croatia: 014833888

Denmark: +4570201201

Egypt: 7621602

Finland: 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany: 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000

Hungary: 116123

Iceland: 1717

India: 8888817666

Ireland: +4408457909090

Italy: 800860022

Japan: +810352869090

Mexico: 5255102550

New Zealand: 045861048

Netherlands: 09000113

Norway: +4781533300

Philippines: 028969191

Poland: 5270000

Russia: 0078202577577

Spain: 914590050

South Africa: 0514445691

Sweden: 46317112400

Switzerland: 143

United Kingdom: Various recources

USA: 18002738255

You are not alone. Please reach out.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 18 hours ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 17 hours ago

Hey, Logan, I'm new to CRT art. Do you think you could stick around just a little while longer and show me what I've been missing out on? Show me the ropes, that is.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I can't open it. Says I don't have permission.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 12 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 17 hours ago

Italy here. Life can be shitty, but there's always a way out of it, it's juat that you can't see ir right now. I can tell you from my personal experience.

Give yourself the time to find out and you'll be suprised. Do it for yourself and for all the people that love you. Even those you don't know now, but you'll meet from tomorrow on.

Good things come to an end... but bad ones too!!

A huge hug, get in touch if you want. S. (one more person to love you in this world)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 hours ago

I hope things go smoothly for you, however it turns out. For what it's worth, I appreciate having you around.