Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.
This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.
CODE OF LAWS
1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.
2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.
3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.
4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.
5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.
6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.
Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.
They figured out long ago how to make slaves believe they are free, as long as they feel they are free to choose their surfdom or "status" therein. If they feel like their slave master is better than the other masters they have more motivation in their status and keeping it.
The key is debt and denial.
Guards, guards!
I think this peasant is trying to stir up a rebellion!
If you're promised a portion of the crop harvest then you will get it. Lords are always micromanaging and saying "yields should be higher"
Just stay the fuck out of the way and wait for your corn.
I know, right? They're all like, "I own the land" until some other lord does a hostile takeover, then it's all, "no, Billy ploughs this field now," and "taxes have increased to 34%." Why is it always increased? Why never decreased? I mean, if they'd let Billy take over shovelling the pig shitte I'd be all for that but I've been learning grass clippings since me pap passed and then they want to relocate me to potatoes? How do you expect a good crop from that? Such lunacy SMH
Bro, he is literally your liege Lord selected by God! Like, what do you even know?
Wtf is corn? I only have barley.
I think the problem is that serfs don't understand just how hard it is to round them all up and march them to war against our neighbors who so disgustingly eat a different staple animal than we do and so should obviously be destroyed. And then there's all the work of trying to breed sons who'll live long enough to carry on the war. It's exhausting. You'd think they'd be grateful for all of the justice dispensing - I mean, we all agree it's so boring, but are they happy when we come up with creative solutions like cutting their children in half?? Of course not!
They just don't realize how good they have it. They don't have to constantly watch out for Grand Vizier Al Rashid, that slimey worm, constantly trying to poison my dates. I've gone through 8 food tasters this year alone! They don't have to deal with their nephew Bin Al Hazam scheming and plotting to take the throne, the little shit. I should just have him beheaded and be done with it, but then I'll never hear the end of it from my sister; kid's father's probably a barbarian, anyway.
I mean, seriously. All they have to worry about is rising before dawn, hand-plowing the fields until dusk, and maybe losing a kid to a lion. Which is actually a bonus because then we get to have a lion hunt! But no, it's all "wah, wah, who will now guide the plow while my wife and I pull?"
Hey, I've been meaning to ask - you up for another war? My economy's been a little in the slumps lately, and some pillage and rapine does wonders for moral.
I knew you'd understand. I can't go to war this weekend, I have to attend a few trials and executions (sigh), and you know how long it takes to draw-and-quarter someone or burn a witch at the stake, and a tax haul on Thursday, so Monday-Wednesday would make for a nice small war. Burn down a few huts, take some livestock, maybe even some treasure.
Tell me about it. So. Much. Work. Keeping society running is nonstop. Do you have a problem with peasant poachers in your Royal woods, too? That's, like, half my beheadings right there! And then the Church is always whining about all of the heretics that need to be burned; I swear, if I wasn't able to take wood from the serfs, I'd have no fires in my fireplaces this winter with all the witch burnings!
LOL if you think I've left the serfs any money to pillage, but - and you didn't hear this from me - the Abby in St. Saintsburgh has some really nice candlesticks - solid gold, I'm told. I'd have them myself if the Bishop weren't so popular. They've got a nice crop of pretty novices this year too, if you know what I mean.
I hear that Baron over on the South border has been giving you grief; how about I lay siege to his castle while you're "busy" at the Abby? Set us up for a good excuse for next time, get rid of some thorns, restock the royal treasuries, and plausible deniability to keep the nobles & church quiet? Win-win!
M-W looks good on my calendar. Wife's due to give birth that week, but even odds she won't survive it anyway so I don't need to be here.
Guaranteed housing and a share of the harvest have left them insufficiently motivated—we need to turn them into gig workers driven by the constant threat of homelessness and destitution.
The merchant class has entered the chat.
The merchant class now owns the chat.
The merchant class has locked the chat
You all are precious. Thank you for that.
They also always complain when you reserve the right to primae noctis on their wedding nights. Just ungrateful if you ask me.
Break from feudalposting, looked it up and what the actual fuck. That better be a myth.
It probably is a myth in the sense that it was some sort of formalized ritual, but I would bet there were plenty of lords who were willing to rape any serfs they felt like raping whenever they wanted. Who was going to stop them?
Send your churls to collect taxes, thats what I do.
Proletariat swine
Nah, laboratores.
Well, it is a you problem if you can't be arsed to use corvée properly to develop your demesne and manor. How are your mills and bakeries doing? Your problem if you can't act like bellatores do...
E'er the back aching for the lash!
Ha ha ha ha. Well, this has been a fun, fantasy diversion. Can you even imagine? People being forced to work while actively infected with a plague? Bodies piling up until conventional storage for them is overwhelmed? All the while, landowners keep shouting, "Nobody wants to work anymore!" Man, that would be bizarre and unconscionable. They'd have the king's head on a plate, or if not, at least have him deposed. Thank goodness those dark days of ignorance and brutality are no longer.
You should trample some of their crops and collect fines for marrying without permission to motivate them.
Hey, they're not lazy. These serfs did their best to entertain the Lord with a nice demonstration of their prowess with torches and pitchforks.
Yeah, it's so cute when they gather in front of the palace with their tiny pitchforks and torches.
"The Pitchforks and The Torches" is my favorite dinner theater show. It's up there with "Guillotine Dance Routine" and "Headloose."
So now I gotta big noose
Headloose
Sick of all your abuse
Flee, Louis
Down with the bourgeoisie
Antoinette
Will not live long I bet
Je accuse
Everybody tie a big noose
Sire, might I suggest you consult the scribes? They may have documented this happening before.
Pure gold.