this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2025
263 points (98.2% liked)

Not The Onion

13159 readers
710 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/25217510

I know nothing should surprise me with these fucking people at this point, but my mouth still dropped open when I read that.

top 36 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 14 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

What kind of idiot would accept a pager from Israel? Doesn't he remember when they did that terrorist attack with them?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 15 hours ago

That's what the article is about. He congratulated them on a good operation.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 15 hours ago

"I'll page you when you get back..."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 15 hours ago

Jesus Christ. That was a terrorist attack.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 14 hours ago

In September '24, Mossad rigged thousands of Hezbollah pagers with explosives, detonating them across Lebanon and Syria. The result? 37 dead, including an 8-year-old girl and 11-year-old boy, 3,000+ maimed—faces melted, eyes gouged, hands vaporized. Civilians bled out in streets as Netanyahu preened about "technological superiority." The UN called it a war crime, but here’s Bibi, giggling as he gifts Trump the golden detonator plaque—“Press with both hands,” the same message that flashed before body parts rained down.

Trump’s response? “That was a great operation”—because nothing tickles his depravity like dead Arab children. Swap the pager for a scalp necklace and the message is identical: Look what we butchered for you. Their mutual adoration is a hate-braid of imperialism: Netanyahu greenlights slaughter, Trump rubber-stamps it, and both jackals feed on the carcasses.

Lebanon reels from 200+ children killed by Israeli strikes since September, but who cares? The "greatest ally" plaque now hangs in Mar-a-Lago’s Hall of Ghouls, between Melania’s migraine pills and Ivanka’s child separation policy blueprints.

These aren’t statesmen. They’re arsonists trading matches in a burning orphanage.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

Damn, who could've seen this coming. One hand washes the other.

The people who voted for Trump because Harris wasn't vocal enough on Israel should get this article tattooed on their fucking skin.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 22 hours ago

The people who voted for Trump because Harris wasn't vocal enough on Israel should get this article tattooed on their fucking skin.

And to clarify, a protest non-vote or vote for third-party are votes for Trump

A vOtE fOr hArRiS iS a VotE foR geNoCIdE

[–] [email protected] 9 points 23 hours ago

You. I like you.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Please be a bomb pager, please be a bomb pager, please be a bomb pager.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 23 hours ago (5 children)

If it was, and it did, I can't imagine what would happen next. The world is weird enough as it is.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

President JD Pee Pants would become the Supreme Leader. And then resign a month later, take his toys, and go home. Leaving us with Superfundamentalist Mike Johnson in charge. It's dicks all the way down.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

You have to wonder about something though.

In the 90s, the Republicans were very angry about Clinton getting a blowjob in the oval office.

Would the 2025 Republicans also impeach someone for fucking a couch in the Oval Office?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 15 hours ago

This assumes Super Nintendo Musk doesn't just decide to slide into the Big Chair and bypass the legal levers.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 18 hours ago

Bibi: Obviously I killed the guy, that was a Nazi salute and we all know it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 21 hours ago

The world is only beginning to get weird. This is going to be more like the collapse of an empire weird and it's just started.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 22 hours ago

Doesn't matter. That human freak show has to go.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 23 hours ago

Whatever happened, it would be a huge improvement.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Mini nuke inside so if trump turn on israel Boom! Would not surprise me at all

[–] [email protected] 1 points 22 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 37 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

All other points aside, this is just tacky as all shit.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 22 hours ago

Netanyahu knows this and knows that Trump eats this kind of tacky cruel shit up.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 20 hours ago

This is just comic-book-level villain shit.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Wouldn’t surprise me if the pager was a listening device.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 23 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 22 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

to the golf carts in Trumps courses in the early 90s, starting off this whole thing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Why would they bug some random failed business man that everyone hated?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 13 hours ago

because the carts were used by plenty of politicians and powerful people

[–] [email protected] 12 points 21 hours ago

Given what it represents, can we also imagine it could be a bomb?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 16 hours ago

This is such a weird timeline

[–] [email protected] 15 points 22 hours ago

Now we’re officially at the “Yeah, that may as well happen” -stage.

Just like in 2020 when Trump was tweeting bizarre things every day. At some point, you became desensitized to all the madness and just went “Yeah, that might as well happen. Why not.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 23 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 22 hours ago

"Let's commemorate our genocide with a symbol of our most successful terrorist attack"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Just remember this was the "good option"

[–] [email protected] -1 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

If the trolls from 3 months ago are to be believed, this is nothing compared to what Kamala would've done! /s

[–] [email protected] 1 points 15 hours ago

Right up there with the golden Zyklon B can