this post was submitted on 11 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 hour ago

My grandmother once called me whilst she was at an estate sale and told me she found "kinky asian books". I dont know if she found hentai or Korean smut but what I do know is that she started chanting "kinky asians" until I hung up the phone.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

"Mom, is it because it's not hetero sex talk, mom? Mom, this is me, your son, mom."

[–] [email protected] 64 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (3 children)

My boss and I had lived for a few years in Italy and Germany, respectively, but were both in the US again at this time and had a jokey rivalry about which of us had integrated better. She was looking for jazz music for our restaurant and said “god, I love scat. Don’t you?” and my dumb ass responded before I could think about it for a second “I’m not that German.” (For anyone confused, I don’t know why, but some Americans think Germans are into scat. I have not experienced this in any way, and have no idea if it’s at all based in reality, I was just making a joke I shouldn’t have)

She didn’t know what scatophilia was, did NOT enjoy hearing about it, but wouldn’t let it go until I explained my joke.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

South Park certainly amplified the idea

[–] [email protected] 1 points 50 minutes ago

I didn't even know Brazilian fart porn was a thing until South Park.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 hours ago (4 children)

Look bud. All I'm saying is that when the porn site algorithms have a stroke and think I'm into that kind of stuff, 7 times out of 10 the title is in german.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 6 hours ago

So, this happened to you at least ten times. Hate to be the one breaking this to you but it might not be the algorithm stroking out.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

So, it's "the algorithms"? Sure, buddy....

Alright, without looking it up... What's scat in German?

🙃

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 hours ago

Okay, so my first thought was “Skat,” which is the name of a pretty popular old man card game (not in a bad way, I enjoy playing it very much, but I encounter it in similar situations to euchre or pinochle).

Maybe it’s just a false cognate, which would be a great setup for a joke, if there was an audience that knew about both Skat and the scat stereotype. Unfortunately, I think I’ll be sitting on this one for a while.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 hours ago

DAS POOPENSHEIẞEN

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

If the porn algorithms are showing you it, you must be have searched it ….just be honest, we’re all friends here.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I look up regular bukkake and it's not my fault other people use the term piss bukkake.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, boring old vanilla bukkake leads you into some really wild stuff, it's ridiculous!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 hours ago

It’s gateway bukkake.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

I’m living in Germany again now and I’ve brought this up occasionally with people when we’ve reached the comfortable talking about kinks stage, but it’s a surprise to everyone so far. Germans do definitely like anal more than Americans IME, but not because of the poop, lol. Maybe it’s the Austrians 🤷

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

Maybe it’s the Austrians 🤷

He, don't slander. Thats not the kind of thing going on in Austrian cellars

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 hours ago

GodDAMN. I was feeling a little iffy about teasing Austrians, but shots fired.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

Ah, yeah, that's probably it. I heard Hitler was really into it. After the war they found his internet search history was full of it.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

My best friend told me he feel in love with his now ex wife after she gave him a plumkin. Then he explained what that was and now I am scared for life.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Do NOT make me look that up.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Okay you asked for it. Its getting a blow job while taking a shit on the toilet.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Wait no! that's just called the iron throne

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago

Just found out that the friend who taught me that kink he had just past away. I'm shocked and upset. He was a strange man who had bi polar and had zero tact. But goddamm he was my best friend and I will miss him badly.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 hours ago

Well he called it that. Glad it has many names.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago

Yes and you don't want to know what that is.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

... when a hand loves a woman very much ...

[–] [email protected] 82 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (2 children)

My grandmother refers to sex as "putting your shoes under his bed." As in if you're staying the night that where you would put your shoes after taking them off.

She's been married 3 times and has kids with each of them. She knows exactly what's going on. Don't let them fool you.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 hours ago

Grandma wants less thinking and more doing, clearly

[–] [email protected] 28 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

You’ve heard the term knocking boots, right?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

You get pregnant by putting a snake in the woman's boot, right?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 hours ago

Wait, I thought if I put my snake in her boot, it wouldn’t get her pregnant.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I accidentally told my 50+ friend what shibari is. No, she didn't know, she cancelled going to a planned event that would have included a lecture.

She also claims she didn't know before what "bondage" was, and isn't in the habit of lying to me. So yay for being a good influence, I guess?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Told my girl bestie about shibari by accident as well lol Turned out we’re compatible.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Did you start practicing the art?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 minutes ago* (last edited 3 minutes ago)

Since I have a girlfriend who is not into this - sadly no

[–] [email protected] 37 points 12 hours ago

Gam gam was living it up during the summer of love in the 60s. She's probably forgotten more than these kids even know.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 15 hours ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 hours ago

“Every generation think they’re the ones who invented sex.” - Robert Heinlein

[–] [email protected] 27 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Does liking fisting make you a whore? I thought we weren’t supposed to kink shame, yet here we are. Sad.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 56 minutes ago

What if being a whore was her kink?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 hours ago

Whilst there are more appropriate terms, in the case of this film, gam gam was a lady of a certain persuasion.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 14 hours ago

If she didn't, she's not living her best life.