If I could ever get them on record I probably have the world's most annoying hiccups except for that guy that hiccuped until the day he died.
My hiccups sound like a donkey being kicked in the balls.
My hiccups sound like the dying gasps of an 80-year-old man crushed by a falling tree.
My hiccups are so loud and violent that people have wandered from other isles in the grocery store to come and check and see what the hell is going on because it sounds like the choked off scream of a dad watching his son getting his dick sliced off in the store's bread slicer.
And the annoying thing is there's an easy fix for hiccups. The next time you have a friend or an acquaintance or just a random passerby who has the hiccups use this trick and it will work every single freaking time.
Walk up to them and in a strong commanding voice say, "I dare you to hiccup again".
It's Indian magic and it works.
So if you ever run into me while I'm having a hiccup fit, (and you'll know it's me because it sounds like an alpaca getting butt fucked against its will by a rhinoceros), please for the Love of all that is good and holy walk up to me and say, "I dare you to hiccup again".
Do me a favor