this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2024
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Greentext

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 18 hours ago

Ah yes, I believe this is called "Much Ado About Nothing" in Stratford-upon-Avon.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

Everyone is going to be talking about it like I can't believe I saw some guy about to shit off the side of the bridge. Then about 1 hour later everyone will have forgotten and only you remember now.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

ive done this but with poop

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Projectile shit into the river?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 22 hours ago

yea in general

[–] [email protected] 145 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think pulling your pants down to fart is more embarrassing than doing explosive diarrhea into the Thames.

[–] [email protected] 81 points 2 days ago

old fashioned

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

Diarrhea is a lot more understandable reason to do that. A fart you could've just sneakily let go while walking

[–] [email protected] 55 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Do it every day at the exact same time for 1 month.

Call it performance art.

People will be in awe at your revolutionary creative ambition

Art studios might actually finance your project

Embarrassment averted

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'd be more embarrassed to end up being a performance artist than the bare bottomed bridge farter tbh.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

the bare bottomed bridge farter

Now we have an alias

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

I've got to make it alliterative - The bare bottomed bridge beefer.

I have no idea why I just posted that, but it made me giggle.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 15 hours ago

Ideally that would just be their aka but unfortunately that's not the whimsy we live in.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

At least in the 90s you could have got on Eurotrash with your act.

Probably in the segment just after a Belgian naturist with tits like windsocks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

And right before the guy who makes authentic models of Austrian villages with his own faeces.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm sure there's a curator at the Tate Modern that would entertain this argument.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

At one point they are an arrangement of stacked plastic boxes. So it's clear they'll take anything

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Soon a queue will form and you can charge 5 quid at the door

[–] [email protected] 87 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sounds like a normal day in London for those other people.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Exactly, I mean it's the British food, they eat beans for breakfast for example. Explosive diarrhea must be illness number one.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Only for the weak with 0 fiber in their diet.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

How you eat beans and still manage to get 0 fiber is beyond me.

[–] sukhmel 3 points 1 day ago

That's meat beans, maybe

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

illness number one in London is whatever strain has developed sentience on the tube

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

they eat beans for breakfast

we're too broke for that

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 68 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not quite a shitpost but almost one. A fartpost.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago

Let's be generous and go with a shartpost.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago

As long as he farted in the general direction of France, he'd be OK.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 days ago

Never gamble on a fart.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago

This is why i need to move back to a big city, i mss this kind of interaction with my fellow humans.

Maybe this is the same guy on holiday ?

https://thethaiger.com/news/national/fat-farang-strips-naked-and-poops-in-bangkok-shrine-video

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

On Tuesday I felt like I badly needed to shit. I was working at a hospital and the secluded bathroom was out of toilet paper so I went to one in the main part of the hospital. It was just farts. Possibly the most gas I've ever had. I have hemorrhoids pretty bad and farting while sitting on a toilet is the worst thing for making them very angry.

Plus mad people were walking by and stopping to have conversations by the door, so many people listened to me fart 40 times.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Your username weirdly checks out...

And on a side note: there are a lot of ways to cure/alleviate piles. What are your weapons of choice?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I just try to get plenty of water and fiber. I need surgery but I can't imagine having time for that. Work is frantic.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago

Good to hear that you know your options and what to do/eat. Do you use water/bidet instead op TP? And yes, surgery is annoying with the weeks healing after the procedure. Good luck in any case!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ngl I’ve been walking to work one time and thought I needed to fart and followed through with liquid shit down my legs. Now I was always late cause it was a shit job, so I just rang and told them the truth and that I was going for a shower. When I got to work every fucker was cheering about me shitting myself.

I’ve had two other occasions where I’ve gone from normal to a sweaty, nauseous mess with an incredible urge to poop. One time did it in some grass after getting off the tram for an unscheduled stop and once in a train bathroom where I thought i would be found passed out covered in shit 👀 💩

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Have you considered your diet, my good man?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Tell me more?

Diet is pretty poor. I rarely eat a lot.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

As usual, real comedy is in the comment section.

[–] akkajdh999 6 points 2 days ago