I hate that my memory appears to save snapshots the best in moments of rejection and piqued anxiety.
There are so many things I remember only because I was scared or upset.
this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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ADHD
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Yeah. Human memory evolved to keep us alive not happy. Brain assumes anything that stressful must be life threatening and we obviously should remember that so we can avoid it in the future.
I personally find having a rational understanding of the utility of emotions helps me process them.
It definitely helps. You can sometimes logic yourself out of a spiral by acknowledging the emotion and why it's there, while simultaneously rejecting the need for feeling it right now.
It's like "hey cool thanks brain I get that you want me to make sure that the bad thing doesn't happen again so you're looping that memory and the feeling that came with it. But actually that's not helpful, that situation actually (wasn't dangerous) / (won't happen again) / (isn't something I can solve right now), so let's move on."
With practice, brain usually says "ok no worries", and you can move on. It's not really that simple but that's the idea.
I'm with you. So many insignificant criticisms have CRUSHED me!
Yup, I've always had difficulties receiving criticism. I've gotten decent at professional criticism, but I also suuuuck at giving criticism because of how painful I know it can be to receive.
I also just heard about RSD and wonder if I have this as well. I have ADHD as well.
Literally I was taking online quizzes casually wondering if I have bipolar (I know they're not legit) because I've had crazy mood swings lately. The description of RSD said it is often misinterpreted as bipolar. There are certain things my wife will say that just really devastate me and send me spiralling. The worst part is I know I'm overreacting and misinterpreting but it hardly helps.
My mom thought I had bipolar as well when I was a teen!
Because I would spiral and become so agitated/depressed for no reason. (There usually was a reason. It was usually dumb, and I couldn't explain why it made me so unreasonably upset.)
Then other times I would become hyper focused on a thing where I wouldn't eat/sleep.
So I can certainly understand why those two things could be confused for mania/depression to a layman.
RSD, in my understanding, is just a thing that happens to a lot of ADHD folks and not a separate diagnosis. Some of the readings say the fact that we know it's illogical makes it worse, cause we feel stupid/embarrassed by our actions.
In relationships, that's a problem. Over the years, that really developed into ... something. When I have a crush and daydream, I imagine how she comes onto me, and I'm like: Sorry, not interested.
Sometimes that actually happens, and it does feel great.
Even when I daydream about meeting a cute girl with a nice personality, I imagine how she likes me, so I can reject her.
The oddest thing is that I still had a couple of healthy, nice relationships, some over many years. She was always more into me than vice versa, though. And I was overall single longer than I was in relationships.
So maybe the counterpart personality exists, and that's why it works: Longing to always having to prove herself to someone who isn't even that attractive, just for getting a fraction of it back.