Asklemmy

Shout out to [email protected]

Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.

Just turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.

I sort of see the appeal of having kids, but I can barely keep things together for myself. There's no way I can support myself and kids. Even with my boyfriends income and mine, it's just not realistic.

Sad and empty. I love kids. I had fertility treatments for years, but that did not work out. I will start IVF again in a couple of days. Hopefully it will work this time. It is one of my last chances.

I would like to adopt or have foster kids. However, I suffer from PTSD and in my country it is very difficult to adopt or foster if you have a background with mental illness. Even though my psychologist and the people in my environment all say that they think I would be able to do it and my partner does not have any mental illness, my chances are very low.

To be honest, looking any further than the next IVF makes me panic. I do not know how to live with not having kids and how to deal with that. I had a lot of bad stuff happen to me. Having children would be something I believe would have made me very happy. It feels like I failed at life. However, I just turned 40, so I know I need to give up at some point.

I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn't ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn't seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say 'hey, here's a dumpster fire - good luck'. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.

No regrets.

It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.

Elementary school

Middle school

High school

College

Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job

All the stuff during the summer

Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds

Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.

Been trying for 6 years. Not desperately, but it would be nice. Thinking about getting chickens.

Mixed, but mostly okay.

Pros: The world is massively overpopulated already. Our genes aren't particularly noteworthy. I'm not very optimistic about the future. People's happiness generally seems a lot less than it was when I was younger and I don't see that changing.

Cons: Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience, ironically much of which was gained through having time that would have been unavailable if I had had kids. As we both get older, our own care is concerning. Doing physical things around our smallholding is getting harder and a pair of young hands would be nice.

I don't begrudge other people having kids. We tried once but lost it and that kind of took the excitement out of it for us. Before we knew it, it was too late anyway.

I'm not good around kids, so I made a decision to be without children pretty early on. So, to answer your question, I guess it feels... normal? It's hard to describe in more detail, because I don't have a reference to compare it to.

That said, I've seen what kind of struggles - emotional, financial or otherwise - my kid-having friends and family have been going through and I would be a liar if I said I never thought "I'm glad I don't have to go through this shit" more than on one occasion.

No ragrets.

Great!

Honestly it kind of sucks.

I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.

I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I've dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I've dated who's capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.

I know it's not too late for me but it's getting pretty damn close.

Seriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.

Also, it's generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some other random topic, and it wouldn't even add up to a tenth of the time I've spent on the "why don't you want kids?" Conversation. I'm sorry but that's sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.

It sucks. I don’t have children because I’m barely functional. Can barely keep a roof over my own head, let alone maintain a romantic relationship.

I’ve wanted kids for a long time, but the only relationship that showed promise of that ended with a bunch of cheating and abuse. I eventually realized even if I was willing to put up with it, I couldn’t subject my kids to having her as a mother.

So I’m going on 42 and don’t know if I’m gonna make it.

Not to that age yet, but I feel slightly envious of families that I see at downhill mountain bike parks or camping or sledding. I want to have a family just like that someday :)

Feels like the best decision I ever made.

I love it but even in high school, I knew I didn’t want kids. People told me seeing my friends have kids would cause me to change my mind but it only reinforced my preference. Having kids is a huge amount of work and commitment (not to mention the expense). I love to travel and I’ve been able to go to places and do things you can’t (or just wouldn’t want to) do with kids. I also like that I was able to take risks with my career. It’s much easier to start a business or join an early stage company or whatever if you don’t need the stability kids need.

So, for me, it’s amazing. I feel for people who want kids but never had them, though. I know a few and they’re happy — freedom is a nice consolation prize — but it wasn’t their dream.

I have a lot of kids so I can't answer that question

but reddit asked it 2 days ago, word for word https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1gdm2wj/people_in_their_40s_and_50s_with_no_children_how/

I just think it's interesting to look at the difference in the user replies

Good, made a decision decades ago to have a vasectomy as there are way to many people in the world and misquoting Thoreau, what use a kid if no livable planet to raise them on ?

I always felt if the need to be a parent overwhelmed, I could adopt any number of abandoned kids.

I like kids but I'd fell way to guilty about having any. Not having them also let me retire at 35 and pursue my own interests, I'm now 58.

I'm in way over my head as it is. I can't even imagine what it would be like having to be responsible for some gremlins, as well. We do not even dare get a cat (or two - you should always get two so they're not lonely) for the same reason. Good thing my SO sees it exactly the same way. We're both glad we didn't have children.

Amazing. I'm not willing to exercise the permanent sacrifices that having kids entails.

Great, for me. For others, I imagine it will depend on factors such as having a compatible partner in agreement.