Taking my son to watch Seven Samurai at the Astor tomorrow.
Fatherly nerdy bonding
this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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I need to dump this somewhere so please ignore these very long rambles. This has been a week.
very angry venting
Still bitter and angry about the 15% rent increase and the consequent spiraling of how much it costs to exist. Part of me wants to move on and settle it asap and block it from my brain and beat myself into submission, another wants to distract myself from it completely, both want to get away from the volcano of absolute rage that's ready to spiral out of control and burn everything in its path.
Alright, let's have at it: FUCK you, LL, for trying to come across as understanding or nice, you are NOT my friend, I believe NOTHING about how much you "value" me because if you did you wouldn't be slugging a fucking $75/week increase BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO MAXIMISE YOUR PROFIT OUT OF PEOPLE'S NEED TO HOUSE THEMSELVES. This is not a relationship you "value" by demanding more money JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN. Just keep it to what it is, this is a TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP and if you had a smidgeon of empathy you wouldn't fucking highball it at first opportunity. Fuck the fuck off with your attempt to be personable and magnanimous. I will keep my angry outbursts here because I'm not an idiot and I will stay civil but I will NOT grovel. I will be offering absolutely no more leeway on inspections, maintenance, etc. And fuck if I'm going to do a complete spotless clean of the place when I leave - I'm claiming my bond the second I'm out and you can fucking take it to vcat over fair wear and tear for how much you've fucking earned from me over the years especially as you don't even need to pay REA fees. You will get absolutely no more energy from me. You've taken enough. Go get fucked and I hope you DO get worse tenants here on out who make your life a nightmare. Enjoy being a bloodsucking leech.
and now for the part where I try to calm myself down
Sigh.. Okay. Now the positive of this whole shitshow is, it puts some fire under my arse to sort out my job situation and motivates me to finish up my business in Melbourne and get the fuck out. I've been wanting a change in scenery for ages - first it was "once lockdowns are over", then "once I get PR", then "once I quit my job", then "once my niece settles in"... but this time is it: once I finish up uni in June I am GONE. I knew that studying would involve an earning hit and it was something I needed to invest in for myself. That I'd need to pay myself a bit to get it done.
So, here it is. I'm going to honour my commitment... but the clock has been set. I've been drifting for quite a while trying to get from one week to the next... now at least I know I am approaching the end of a chapter. Closure is coming. I won't forever be stuck in this helltrap of running faster and faster just to stay in place. I will slam the book shut on all the covid/work/friendship yucks, and clear out space in my life for a fresh start. There is relief and determination and growth amidst the anger, and the deep-seated fear and anxiety of not feeling safe and secure of my own housing. I used to feel sad about possibly leaving Melbourne some day, selling up my things, giving away my plants: now I'm honestly ready. will change the narrative. I do not have control over everything, but I will not be a victim; I have so many more options than I used to... I have value beyond paying off someone else's mortgage. I will not be beaten down into misery. I will change the narrative.
and now for some practical steps forward...
- Cathartic release/dump so I can feel okay enough to go back into my home - tick.
- drs appt for mental health referral - tick.
- Look at cost of comparable rentals in area as benchmark.
- Look at what my finances and working capacity is; budget for mental health.
- Come up with compromise rental $ amount, take a deep breath, and send brief email to LL. Remind myself I will have 60 days from official notice. I will be OK.
- check EBA for notice period for job I have to quit
- Draft resignation letter and handover actions
- Schedule chat with other job about bringing hours up
- Start writing down moving out ideas. Who gets what. Which things to sell off. What services to cancel. Clearing out the pantry slowly. Etc.
I need to keep telling myself - I got this. This will be a challenging period going forward. Thank heavens for the cat. Speaking of:
and now for something completely different
Number one. The White Area of Do-Not-Touch.
I hear you. Iβve been on both sides. As a LL where it didnβt cover all expenses not to mention damage just due to having average tenants, but cβest la vie. Iβve probably been a tenant for more years than a LL and Iβm generally chill if the rent is stable to point of taking care of easy repairs, but yeah, when it keeps going up, then for sure, you need get them to maintain the property. Even the small things we lodged to get done, some of it has been done by the most dodgiest, useless tradespeople, ever. Definitely donβt bother going out of your way to be accommodating. After a certain point they donβt care anyway.
Only thing I can appreciate is that Iβve been in this one long enough to make a case for aircon. That only took about 5 years (been here longer than that).
You have got this. I hope you feel better. π€
All I can say is I feel the abject rage towards REs and LLs in my soul and relate hard.
I believe in you, and the list and changes you want to fulfill and make happen. You are intelligent and strong, and you will find peace and happiness away from this place π
Thank you πβ€οΈ It means a lot to receive empathy as I have noone at home to vent to and I can't keep it in. I'm just done with trying to survive on my own here, I need to know there is an end point. It doesn't help that I messed up the maths on the amount and it's actually a 21% increase ($115/week). Hahahaha get fucked srsly.
I've already ticked off a few things on the list - at least I have a better idea of timeframes to act on and what my options are. It's a constant battle convincing my nervous system that I'm not trapped, I'm safe, I have a way out, I deserve to exist. I'm so worn out, I'm going to bed.
hugs
Rain coming down thick and fast. I did get the washing dry this morning, so am grateful for that. Have also weeded the pot plants and distributed the spring fertilizer ration, so this rain is perfect.
I managed to pull out months of weeds/dead plants and get the fert in on Thu night before soxcat came and very grateful for the timing + this reprieve from watering and so forth. The one upshot of such a gloomy forecast. Gotta throw some seeds in soon...
Cola icy pole is best icy pole
Splice for the win. Can't beat pine lime.
splice is not an icy pole tho the pine lime is totes delish
Yes and no. Its a fusion. That's why it's top tier and above all the ordinary icy poles.
Oh to be content as a small cat in a shoebox.
Have a great night everyone β€οΈ
Box π€
Everyone is always so sad allegedly when someone dies. Were you there for them when they really needed it? Did you even pick up the phone?
All this talk about mental health is incredibly cheap.
Death brings out the worst in people. I've seen it up close too many times. People make others deaths about themselves, about how they feel, about their guilt. Because they know they could have done more, whether in the moment or overall, but chose not to. And you know, sometimes they can't do more, sometimes their plate is already overflowing, but that doesn't mean they get to make the death about them.
Of course it is, because no one ever really wants to be close to someone struggling with their own mind. They prefer performative care, so they can receive sympathy, but do not actually care about the person truly struggling.
The mentally unwell are chronically alone and lonely, I can attest, with few real, genuine human connections, because they are just there to make others feel good about themselves. Even their death is capitalised upon for further sympathy and attention.
I wonder why I have so few genuine, caring friends, but why wonder when the answer is they don't actually care. They just like others telling them how kind and selfless they are. It's disgusting that the mentally unwell are only "cared for and about" when they're fucking dead and it doesn't mean anything to them.
personal experience
My own family, the side I still see, doesn't call or text me despite knowing what I go through, and have suffered through. They never called to check in when I lived through my egg doners severe neglect, just made excuses. They didn't check in when I ended up isolated and raped daily by my ex for 8yrs. But they are quick to say "if you need anything, let us know!". Well I said call me occasionally, just a msg to see how I'm going, and they cannot even do that, so I may as well rot away and they can all have their performative sadness and attention when I pass away. My own dad doesn't even call, even when I initiate contact. So yeah, fuck anyone who pretends they cared, just to take their fill of the attention they obviously so desperately crave.
We love you Spud. Massive hugs π« I'm sorry you had to go through that shit.
I admire your sheer will and grit to carry on.
So many hugs.
I know I'm just an internet friend but I am always here if you need, you can msg me anytime and if possible i can real life help to if i can.
Thank you seagoon, I offer the same to you. Those who understand, understand the importance of human connection and bonding. This community has been a bastion, and you the shining pure gem at its center. π
It's you everyone comes to see. πππ
experience
spoiler
Having very obvious cptsd and the lack of control of emotions and emotional expression that is part of that was a real eye opener.
People can be so fucking cruel. The number of people who saw I couldn't help my feelings and reactions and made me suffer with cruel words was too high. Absolute sadists.
It gave me insight into why many veterans with ptsd commit suicide, the pain is so great and sadists take advantage.
I think one day I will do charity work with vets with ptsd
Music last night has given me this great sense of peace today. Things are going to be OK β€οΈ
so many hugs π
you deserve this
Ah that's a sleep in for me! Think I've got shopping on the agenda for today, Elder Minipeeler wants some new clothes. Miniest needs some too, she's got this habit of chewing her shirts. But she's decided to take up crocheting in the past couple of days so she's stopped chewing her shirts as much, being busy with her hands. Then it's baking a cake and wrapping gifts for Mr P's birthday, which we're doing tomorrow out of convenience (he doesn't mind).
I think Iβm traumatised from clothes shopping now.
Had to do it for my own well-being and health but jeez it ainβt cheap.
I must know what sort of cake youβre going to make!
I think 90% of my wardrobe is Kmart at the moment. It's not bad. Cheapest way to go too
Everything is so short and wide now. They have maximised sizing to fit more people, but itβs all very big and t shirts are short.
I got the first assessment back yesterday. I passed. I'm still working on the other 2 which were due on Monday (but I got an extension).
Assessment 2 is a simple research report. I've done the first 3 questions (12 total), and so far I've spent about 4ish hours on the 4th. It's just now dawning on me that it's probably mostly wasted effort. There aren't grades, it's just a pass/fail, and my trainer isn't a harsh marker. It doesn't really matter how much detail I put into it, I'll pass either way.
But it seems I forgot about that and turned it into an entire essay. It is currently 803 words, when it really doesn't need to be more than 300-400. And I'm only a third of the way through
Why did I do that
Look on the bright side. Writing more is a lot harder than having to condense and prune an essay.
What might make it easier for you to condense is it focus on making sure you address the key points and see if youβve duplicated or waffled on about something.
Or see if you make an answer to something concise and straight to the point without being too descriptive.
IE. I walked to my car staring at the sunlight coming down through the clouds, I steadily took my time taking steps slowly to my car and opened the door and sat down then I started my engine and began my journey to the new world.
Short version: I walked to my car and started the engine and drove off.
Just make sure if itβs the assignment is asking you to address points that they are addressed and not skipped over.
You've got a good point. I don't think I've waffled on much, just done probably 3-4x what was expected. And I'm feeling a little silly since that doesn't actually do anything for me, and if I hadn't, I'd be done by now
I don't think I want to prune it much, although I'm currently paraphrasing and grammar checking what I've written so far, and am removing some stuff for clarity. It might not do anything for me, but it'd be a double wasted effort if I just deleted it all!
The word limit is fairly low as well to answer 12 questions.
Itβs roughly 30 words per question.
Doesnβt really leave room for an intro or conclusion if youβre sticking to that word limit and if thatβs needed.
I hope that helps a little bit.
Oh! I should have been a bit clearer, this is just a single question. I'd guess most people would answer the entire question in about half the words I've used to answer a third of it (but there's no limit). Although the question is kind of open-ended, so I certainly wouldn't get in trouble for being as detailed as I am, it's more just I didn't have to
AIATSIS protocols, pick one. Try to describe it in less time than drinking a coke.
Bonus points cite anything by Tui Raven
I'm basically done now. The social issues category became a bit of a rabbit hole, but politics and economics are simpler, or at least, simpler to describe
So⦠new fancy schmancy washing machine.
Where everything is electronic and painful. I just want to dry off something and check it without having to wait 2 mins for the door to unlock.
At least Iβll be saving water for the environment. Gyah.
It might have something to do with heat. Some don't allow you to open them until it's safe due to steam.
That sounds like my old LG steam washer/dryer. The door lock delay was super frustrating and I can't say I ever liked the thing. I ended up going back to a top loader and drying rack and donating the combo unit to an animal rescue.
Kimchi on hot dogs. Discuss..
Delete the frankfurter. Use a decent sausage instead. Crispy roll, cumberland banger and kimchi - what's not to like.
Wouldnβt that be a really traditional/usual meal if it was sauerkraut on a bratwurst? Served with pretzel or bread roll
Yes. But delete the hotdog.
Yes
Kimchi on anything savoury is good