The sad part is sometimes, it is your own voice calling you lazy while knowing full that you are depressed. Sometimes, it is more difficult to convince yourself that you need help more than convincing others
this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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The Harsh Internal Critic has been the bane of my life. Every hobby or achievement has been hounded by that little voice. And as you say, when I think I need to get help, the voice tells me :No. Don't do that, just sit there watching YouTube for another hour."
I was tested by someone who came to my school when I was about eight years old because my parents were concerned. They diagnosed me as being lazy.
30+ years later and my kid is going through the same thing. The workers at the nursery are decent though, and suspect neurodiversity. A couple of appointments later and my kid gets an autism and ADHD diagnosis. My wife and I speak to them because my symptoms are so similar, and they said that from the conversations we had about my kid, they assumed that I had already been diagnosed.
I'm now 45 and still on a waiting list for an official diagnosis 😫
Knowing is half the battle.
I was one of those "gifted children that was too lazy" and my mother was one of those "nothing can be wrong with my child or it reflects poorly on me!" and I got diagnosed with full blown ADHD at 29.
Therapy and drugs are great. And I'm glad you were aware enough to get your child tested. Early is for their best.
My parents had a book titled "how to parent a retarded child". I guess they were trying?
Can I laugh? Dammit too late I'm sorry LMAO.
I bet that was a "fun" read. Yikes LOL
I was laughing pretty hard when I found it as an adult, I can tell you.
My parents called me lazy and unmotivated when I didn't have an executive position at Google right out of highschool wile also saying I'm wasting my life on computers.
Got a "life sucks, then you die" any time I had any problems.
I just want a low effort life where I can be cozy. I'd probably taste test another gun if my job was stressful.
If you're tech inclined, look for tech positions at non-tech places. Sometimes they can be hell "we need you to be the entire technology division on the salary of a remote helpdesk worker", but there are rare places where you get to help and do cool tech stuff without the constant "climb the ladder or die" bullshit.
I got that one figured out. I get to hide alone in the server room and only actually do a few hours of work when things are actually broken.
8/10-The pay is a bit crap and I have to wear pants.
I have one of those too. Pretty busy rn because of a big migration for a platform I admin, but once that settles down, it'll be back to five hours of actual work a week. Mine is a union job, so the pay is pretty good for my col area. 9/10 do reccomend.
I couldn't help but think of this. XD
(Sorry it's not exactly an evergreen link but woo that's a lot of images...)
Close but less incompetent, I hope...
Another gun?
Too honest? I do sorta have my shit together currently, atleast.
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Exact same story down to every detail. Both parents teachers, but no clue. The weirdest conclusions and theories about me. Like: Far below average intelligence, but with a talent for languages and mathematics (is that even a thing?), which got me through school with effortless Cs. Most of the time I (and probably others) thought I was just a general shithead.
I realised what it was 4 years ago and told a psychiatrist, who did not disagree, but was like: woa, hold your horses. Got a referral to a full neurological & psychiatric check-up from my GP, who wrote on the referral that he suspects ADD without hyperactivity, 1 1/2 years ago. Couldn't use it, because they are overrun by more urgent cases.
Started paying out of pocked to a private clinic 6 months ago and got the official, written diagnosis 1 month ago (exactly what my GP already suspected). Since then, lots of delays to get treatment. No appointments, then appointment available, but latest bloodwork and ECG expired etc. Had one appointment last week cancelled 2 hours before start.
Honestly, with a medical system so overrun, a GP should just be authorised to do the diagnostic if supported by purely computer evaluated multiple choice test. The standardized tests appear to be the foundation anyway, and the many hours of additional psychiatric evaluation are just something that the medical system can't support.
And yes, now my child. He is a true math genius who could do 2 or 3 classes above his own, but he hates books (only since school, not before!) and his reading & writing is just a hateful, effortless B. In two languages equally well, though. I suspect something is up there, but don't want to project. I never had problems understanding math, but was certainly not ahead of the class. Loved books though, perfect spelling.
Let's hope things work out for us and our children!
Yeah, it's incredibly frustrating. GPs can diagnose and prescribe for things like anxiety and depression. But the main treatment for ADHD is a "fun" drug that people would like to abuse as much as opioids and we saw how GPs abused prescriptions for that.
So now no one can be trusted, so the test isn't good enough because what if they're gaming the system to get drugs?? Psychiatrists are overbooked because we never have enough of them, and we're heaping all these extra checks just to make sure it's not someone trying to abuse the meds. And people who have a diagnosis that means they already aren't good at these kinds of things have to make sure to get a script and bring it to the pharmacy on the exact right day every single month.
I'm not even sure what the solution is. I wish we just a way more holistic treatment of drug abuse and mental health treatment in general so that we aren't having to make everyone jump through hoops to get the things they need to function.
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I've heard it is almost common practice now to test the parents for ADD if a kid has it.
Mine was “are you doing drugs?”
No I was just socially ostracized and receiving physical punishment at home on a daily basis and that made me angry at the world.
I'm sorry this happened to you and hope you are in a better place now. I know how it feels.
Thanks, I am in a much better place indeed. The psychological scars take awful long to heal, though. But now I have my own family and managed to break the violence cycle with my kids, who are wonderful people that I admire and respect. Never once raised my hand to them.
That is so nice to read. I wish you and your family all the best and be proud of your self.
Thank you! And same to you.
I was diagnosed with ADD around 199* I was prescribed Ritalin and eventually switched to concerta. None of the adults involved in that process checked in with me at all. I remember being scream-accused of not taking my medicine when I was in fact taking the meds. Funny how in a sea of lost memories, that one persisted.
You just need to apply yourself
Oh my God, are you every teacher I had since the 4th grade?
Exactly. I started just doing it. Especially when it's hard!
Next stop, curing depression by just not thinking about it.
Easy! Just don't feel sad, and the thoughts will stop!
Mine was "why can't you be as hard-working as (whichever kid got the highest score)?". Unless that kid was me, then it was suddenly irrelevant. Did fucking wonders to my work ethic.
"Why can't I have a better parent to teach me?"
Sometimes teachers would use me as an example of a hard worker... when I was busy on yesterday's homework or really caught up in a library book. Like, you sure about that chief?
"You kneel at my throne, unaware it was built of lies."
Coworker told me they were suspected of having adhd as a child and were tested. Doctors wanted to medicate to treat the adhd, but their mother said no, she didn't want her kid zonked out on meds. She was self medicating with alcohol on the daily, turns out.
Mine used to scream at me for being lazy all the time, and now she wonders why I don’t talk to her about anything 🤷♂️
most engineers are lazy and that's often a good thing
Old article, but it talks about harnessing that a little
Lazy is just a label we apply to people to shame them into doing what we want them to.
I have parents that love me to bits, but their strategy to get me to do my homework was... adversarial? It felt like they were checking my performance, just like the teachers were. It didn't feel like they were on my side, even though I'm sure they were.
Getting told off even gently felt like an unbearable punishment for some reason. I read something recently about adhd folks being more sensitive to negative interactions?
And that's how I became a pathological liar and master of masking!
Problem is that the approach "MUST do NOW, until it is DONE!" doesn't work for many of us. I developed methods for myself, which I try to apply to my own child now, like: "When you get home from school, lay out everything you need to work, then relax. At time X, do 15 minutes on a timer, as far as you get."
He still moans and groans about it, and it's hard for me to tell if my "soft push" feels to him like the "hard push" I got. It's all relative, and nobody else can tell.
Getting told off even gently felt like an unbearable punishment for some reason. I read something recently about adhd folks being more sensitive to negative interactions?
Check out Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It's a common side effect of ADHD.
that's the one. As a kid I never understood why punishments even exist. People being mad at me was already unbearable torture
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Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Aw crap, it reads like a character sheet... Guess I'm binging this now.
A lot of parents don't know better. This is what they grew up with.
The trauma of dad trying his best with 6th grade math homework he can't actually do...
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The thing that killed me was "Why don't you just open a book and study" when I was stressed about school - in retrospect it's because that's absolutely antithetical to my learning style... I always struggled with the book heavy classes because I learn through practice and the lectures and books just woosh me unless I'm activating the information shortly after learning it (I've retained a lot of uni chemistry because we had a daily lab after the lecture).
Plot twist for me:
The mother is also ADD.
if they aren't hitting you it is because they don't love you
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