this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
458 points (95.8% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 135 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 96 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"Good for you, but what does that have to do with the job?"

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago

Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago (2 children)

A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

E tu, brute?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago

“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago

“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago

Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"me too"

Final answer

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!

It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.

With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"

Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

“Sounds like we have something in common.”

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Or "noted" or just "ok"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

You need to say it slowly. "Okaaaay"

Maximum devastation

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

It's time for anon to drop the classic dad joke

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

This is infinitely funnier if OP is a woman

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago
[–] Mechaguana 11 points 1 month ago

What's your best pickup line?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

"Well damn! Scissor me timber girl! Let's duck under the table and 69!"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

"Don't flatter yourself"

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's..."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

"Hi Lesbian, I'm Moss"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

"Oh, that makes sense."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Let's compare notes then!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

If this is the US, straight to HR. 🤑

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Me too, let's make out and adopt a pit bull"

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

"THAT JUST MEANS SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE"

  • Tourettes Guy
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

No one was asking because no one was interested.

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