this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2024
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[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 month ago (3 children)

[off topic]

Hitler is having a bad day at the office. He goes out to take a stroll. He sees Himmler walking along, giggling to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, mein Fuhrer I just heard the funniest joke."

"I could use a laugh right now, tell it to me."

"Are you kidding? I had to shoot the guy who told it to me."

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

https://youtu.be/9-qyBGZmHwY

Why the best comedy isn't funny...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Man macht keine Witze über den Holocaust."

"Oh, ich vergaß."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Härter vergessen

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I get it, I ain't laughing, but I get it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My guess is that the joke was at Hitler's expense so Himmler declared the jokester guilty of treasonous hilarity

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not my interpretation of the punchline.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Maybe that's why you weren't laughing? 🤷

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I had something similar to this happen at a work holiday party.

I was having a chat with one of the sysadmins, and had him absolutely laughing his ass off (very crude, highly nerdy, somewhat intellectual humor - I’m a very niche flavor, and not that funny at all generally, but someone with a good rapport and similar style? Oh man - we were rolling!). This particular sysadmin is known for being a tough nut to crack, not very social, very stoic (basically how I am in social situations), even “weird”, so this drew a ton of attention, and people, including HR, were coming over to ask what was so funny..

Not my company (partner’s) so I’m not about to repeat shit! Plus they probably wouldn’t have understood the context anyway (tho at this point I don’t even remember; it was years ago, I just remember thinking “there’s really no point explaining this, it won’t be funny to them..)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"You had to be there" lol

I hate those situations especially when it's weird niche humor. You can't explain the joke or tell them they won't get it, it's a lose-lose.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

An old Jew dies and goes to heaven. He's waiting in line at the gates, and he's telling a joke that has everyone cracking up. God is curious so he wanders over and asks what the joke is. The Jew says, "oh, it's a Holocaust joke". God says, " I don't think Holocaust jokes are funny." The Jew says, "eh, you wouldnt get it, I guess you had to be there"

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I told a joke in 6th grade (sorry, it involves drawing and is a little Johnny joke, so can't be typed out and be funny). The punchline was good and inappropriate, of course. My teacher overheard and laughed slightly, then said she was sorry, but she had to send me to the vp's office for it.

Naturally, the vp wanted to know the joke, so I asked for paper and busted it out on him. He outright laughed.

He said he wouldn't feel right punishing me after he laughed at my joke and just made me promise to not tell it at school again.

This was in the beforetimes of internet, but you can probably find a version of it somewhere. Good jokes never die. Without ruining the punchline, I'd try searching "little Johnny school drawing mountain horizon". Hopefully the internet hasn't butchered it.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Someone had to do it, so here it is, copied from that place that we have now left:

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided to pick Suzie first.

["I drew a box on the ground!"] (https://i.imgur.com/PicyJVo.jpeg) Proclaimed little Suzie.

The teacher said it was a great start, and asked the next student to add on. Ignoring little Johnny teacher chose Billy.

"I turned the box into a house!"

The teacher thought it was wonderful, and went on to Timmy.

"I added the sun to shine down onto the house!"

"Excellent" replied teacher. Still ignoring Johnny the teacher chose Jenny next.

"I added some snow on the roof because it's been such a snowy winter!"

By this point like Johnny could barely control himself. Teacher thought there was no way Johnny could ever turn this into a dirty picture, so he allowed him up to the chalk board.

"This is my dad bending over in the shower to pick up the soap!"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Sigh.

Yeah. Totally butchered.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You can't just say that and not post your version.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Maybe I'll make a little video this week or something. Because that rendition here was pretty lame.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well there's no results on Google for your search terms... Time to bust out paint?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lol. Maybe I'll make a YouTube video this week and post it or something.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Little Johnny is counting on you, don't let him down.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Don't you know? Little Johhny is a bit of an asshole. Lol

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

As I tell my people on the shop floor, I’m not gonna tell on them for shop talk, but I’m not going to say anything at work that I’m afraid to have HR read back to me

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I had a job that placed my office right across the hall from HR. There was only 3 HR people at that site but hundreds of employees. We were pretty friendly with each other. The manager would always have a joke.

One day as we're leaving work on a Friday before a 3 day weekend, she said to me

See you next Tuesday!

I started laughing and she is like what is so funny?

Oh hell no! That was a moment. Let me say. I was like oh, yeah sorry I am never going to explain that to you. Best we forget it.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] alphapuggle 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

C (see)

U (you)

N(ext)

T(Tuesday)

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Thank you, cunt

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I now just got that one American Dad joke.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Could you explain it to me? Lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

That reminds me when I was in high school and working at fast food. I went up to my shift manager after closing and asked if we were storing some food for morning shift, or are we just throwing it away. Depending on the food, we would do different things and this time we had salads left after closing. We normally never have salads, so I wasn't sure and decided to ask my manager.

I walked up to her while she was counting out money and said something like "did you want me to toss the salad or what?" I immediately heard a coworker bust out laughing at the dishwasher station. Bent over laughing. I finally realized what I said. I was trying to keep a straight face, but I was kinda shocked too. She just laughed a bit and said yeah throw them out.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Can confirm, HR is a joke.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Shoulda told them that they won't get it cuz it's not for girls' ears. An easy out-of-jail card.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

This is so fucking stupid it actually becomes glorious. 😂