this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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I'm not a parent, but going by pop culture, it seems like literally every child has the same fears.

In pre-modern times, I imagine that they'd be sleeping in the same room as the parents, but if modern notions of privacy don't permit that, seems we could at least design an enclosed capsule or something.

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[–] [email protected] 129 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If we eliminate the children, then children’s rooms would simply just be rooms

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

The root of all evils ...

Edit: I am a fathe of two

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm okay with this.

[–] [email protected] 78 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not a psychologist or anything but isnt it healthy for a child to overcome a fear and not just avoid it

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Also not a psychologist, but I would say that's only true if the fear keeps them from enjoying life

As adults, we design our living spaces to be comfortable to us. We don't intentionally make them scary so we can overcome.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Speak for yourself. My home is entirely sharp angles and unsecured towers of broken glass and rubbing alcohol suspended in petroleum jelly that also slicks the floor. I will brook no weakness in my home.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Dealing with ones fear should be learned at an early age. I didn’t start dealing with my fears until I was 17.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Who intended for the closet to be a scary void?

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We did for my daughter. She then got scared of door knobs because they "had eyes". They find something else lol

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Haha this is pretty cute not gonna lie.

I read OP's question and was like 🤔 waaait a minute this is brilliant! The I read your comment and was like ahh..... shit... 🤣

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

But do we really need door knobs though 😋

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think fear is an important part of our development, and sanitizing children's upbringings is rarely the best approach. I love when my child communicates that they're afraid of something because that gives me an opportunity to guide them through how to encounter and process that fear, and how to continue functioning in life when fear is present (which is always for a lot of people).

Also, for kids who are scared of their closet or under their bed at night, if you remove those triggers I would be surprised if other triggers did not arise. It could easily turn into a never ending game of whack a mole.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’ ‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I recognise this. Where's it from?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It's from game of thrones, but I don't know if the quote originated there. I've seen it in different wordings all over the place.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe we don't need to round every sharp corner we can find. I doubt anyone is traumatized for life because there was a closet in the room as a child.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Much more are traumatized by being forced into the closet. Let's fix that instead.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Kids are afraid of being alone in the dark. The monster under the bed or in the closet is just how they communicate their fear.

I had a room similar to what you suggested. No big closets and an elevated bed. But I still got scared sometimes. And the only things that helped were being in a well lit room and or not being alone.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

That makes sense.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My 1st thought is that we may need these minor fears to learn how to deal with fear itself and as part of developmemt they'll likely just be a fraid of something different instead.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Did you forget about your teenage years? Teenagers want their own space to hide their uhhh stuff.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

There are beds with drawers underneath.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Classic monster hiding spot! Won't work!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It slows it down though, it's futile but it's reassuring.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

It is an opportunity to bind with your child. Make them face their fears playfully. Probably will strenghten its braverity.

Also, any matress needs air circulation ~beneath~ below it. Otherwise it will get warm, stinky and very dirty.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

i dont know a single child who has the same fears kids in movies do

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Eliminate closets?

Anyway no, not every child has these fears. Mine don’t. They sleep in pitch darkness and have never complained.

But you deal with a lot of weird fears and hang ups with kids. Not by accommodating them but by helping the kid grow out of them.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

One of the ways one can grow out of a fear is by accommodating it enough in a passive way that it's forgotten about. Lighting up the back of a closet or under a bed for even a couple of months with a battery-powered nightlight (if there is no outlet available) could easily be enough for a kid to overcome it. Not in every situation, of course, but I think in enough that it could be worth a try.

I do agree that changing the entire space like that is too much though.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I always told my kids the monsters were in the closet not under the bed. I also introduced them to hand puppets named chewy and Bytee. They were monster ostrich that lived in the closet, there favorite food is my kids which they nip at and the kids all have found it hilarious over the years. Also there was a monkey that slept in the closet when the zoo was closed. I told the kids I was renting out the closet space. Have three kids 13, 11, 4 none of them were ever afraid of the closet or under the bed. Any hint that they thought something was in the closet and I would go full conspiratorial and confirm there is “something” in the closet. That always seemed to work well apposed to denying their fears.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I did actually the opposite, unintentionally. But worked. My daughter never had a problem with a dark void somewhere. She loved to hide there.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

*M Night Shyamalan taking notes

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I used to love the dark, felt safer there.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was afraid that I'd die in my sleep. Not like from health issues. Monsters or something unknown that only existed when I was alone in the dark. To a later age than I'd prefer to share.

Fuck, all right, I got over it last week. /s but the rest was true.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

When you buy a house, closets are just there. You could take the doors off, I suppose, but closets are just a thing. As for the void under the bed, that is a feature and not a bug. Yes, it may allow for a fear of what's under the bed. It's also an inherent defense against the actual bugs on the floor that would otherwise crawl up the child's bed.

Basically, the answer isn't to change the standard child's bedroom but to instead work around it. Take the doors off the closet if it scares them. Check under the bed every night and maybe put their "bravest" stuffed animals under there for protection. But rooms are rooms. Blocking off a closet and putting the kid's mattress on the floor is not the answer lol.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

An enclosed capsule just brings on another fear: fear of closed spaces. Too open and it's fear of open spaces.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Because we are free to design the space and most peopoe don't design rooms with that in mind.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Kid: I'm afraid of Vegetables.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It's a question of resources you have and what you think children should learn to do to grow.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I can’t speak to closets, but I’ve heard of Montessori beds being placed directly on the floor. That’d at least eliminate monsters under the bed. I say that as a parent of a child with a bed raised above the floor…

For me, we need the space under the bed for clothing storage. One of the drawbacks of having 2 adults and 2 children in a 2 bedroom home. We need all of the closet and storage space we can get.

Edit: I went off on a tangent there. Definitely get what you’re suggesting.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Let's put a void in every dark corner. I'm never scared with cats around.

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