This is what conspiracy theories are supposed be. Absurd insanity. Not "vaccines are bad for you" or "a secret agent with Q clearance wants patriots to overthrow democracy".
this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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I prefer the "Darth Jar Jar" and "The Bloop" levels of conspiracy theories.
Darth jar jar was absolutely meant to be canon and you can't change my mind.
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Bruh there's actual supporting evidence for Darth Jar Jar. He doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the crazy shit!
I miss Batboy and Elvis being spotted in their convertible UFO.
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The best conspiracy ever conceived was the one that convinced people that conspiracies are absurdist caricatures of the very real threat of collusion.
All these crazy conspiracies just weaken the perception of the mundane real ones.
If I was gonna conspire, the first step would be to trivialize the idea in the first place.
Conspiracy theorists are useful idiots.
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"vaccines are bad for you" is extremely absurd and insane, tbf.
It's vicious and anti-scientific, but it's not in the same level of obviously untrue statement as good conspiracy theories. Things that were claimed to be safe turning out to not be safe is something that actually happens. They're just lying that it's true of vaccines.
It gets absurd enough when you go back to the original claim
"My MMR vaccine is completely safe, but the other MMR vaccine gives your child an upset tummy, which causes autism"
This is why the Denver Airport will always be the best conspiracy.
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Not that I wanted the debate to go the way it did
Yep, absolutely. It couldn't possibly be that he's an octogenarian with a known speech impediment, had to be directed energy weapons.
Also, allegedly had a cold and probably got flustered after the first time he tripped on his words. And inexplicably kept trying to recite various metrics from memory.
People really underestimate how bad a cold can be. When I'm sick, it's so hard to function mentally that I can barely do my job.
I believe he was sick, and I believe this was just a case of unfortunate timing. What matters in politics is perception, though, and the perception isn't good.
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If we're going to go all conspiratorial, here's my theory:
Both campaigns are dealing with old men with diminished faculties.
There's some drug cocktail(s) that both campaigns have been using to pep the doddering old farts up for public appearances.
If you'll remember, very shortly before the debate, the accusation that "Biden's on drugs" made the rounds, and Trump made some noises about demanding a drug test.
For some reason - possibly fear, possibly determination in the face of a challenge, possibly a subtle communication that the Trump campaign had some hard evidence they would, if pushed, release publicly - that led to the Biden team withholding his customary drug cocktail.
Trump, meanwhile, was dosed to the eyeballs.
And that was the contrast we saw - Trump was on drugs, while Biden, for whatever reason, for that night alone, was not.
Remember - for the Republicans broadly and especially for Trump, every accusation is a confession.
That's what probably happened.
I mean yeah Trump's WH had a pharmacy handing out free drugs like fuckin Pablo Escobar.
every accusation is a confession.
This is all I could think of when Trump said Democrats would use every avenue both legal and illegal to overturn election results.
I sincerely think it's broadly accurate - that, for the Republicans and especially for Trump, (most) every accusation is a confession.
There's a simple psychological element to it, most often illustrated by moralists who rail against perversion of one form or another, only to be revealed to be perverts.
There's another aspect to it though, and I think this is more often the case with Trump specifically - it's a way to proactively undermine someone else's accusation against you. If you can get your accusation out there first, then they end up sounding sort of like a child saying, "I know you are but what am I?"
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This community is called news. It should include news. Not some trash blog.
Idiots can be on the left too.
Of course. GMOs and nuclear power
Some of us aren't against GMOs for being genetically modified, we're against patents on food.
Some of us also are against massive overuse of glyphosate.
If I could fucking ban pesticides and antibiotics for agricultural use I absolutely would.
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This is your occasional reminder that the conspiracy nutballs can be on the left sometimes too.
They are not left or right. They are just people that strictly believe everything that has been disproven or is too stupid to bother disproving, as long as ANY thread of correlation can be made up between it and observable reality.
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"Batshit conspiracy theories...not just for the far right anymore!"
Wow, and here I thought he was an old guy with a stutter getting flustered while a fascist fuckwad spewed inane garbage.
"It was his stutter."
"He had a cold."
"He overprepared and got flustered."
"A malicious actor used an Inator on him."
I wonder what the next excuse is gonna be.
"He's old."
He actually said on camera that the reason he is running this time is because Trump is running, meaning that if Trump wasn't running, Biden wouldn't be running, meaning he doesn't even really want the job.
The DNC put up a guy that doesn't even want to be president again, and now 40% of democrat voters want a new nominee because apparently they weren't paying attention for the last 4 years and only realized now, during the debate, that Joe Biden is dealing with cognitive decline.
No we realized years ago. It's the entire reason his campaign started the idea that he'd be a single term president. People brought it up after the midterms when he confirmed he'd run again. It's been in the news and an open question ever since then. According to insiders, the debate was held early specifically to show he wasn't too old.
Biden and the Party have been aggressively going after critics, accusing them of being Trump supporters and disloyal to the very concept of democracy. Which would have worked if he didn't shit the bed so badly.
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Have you ever been in a TV studio with all the lights pointed at you?
That's exactly what they are. Directed-Energy Weapons.
And yet this is still many orders of magnitude more sane than thinking Donald Trump is fit to be president.
Wouldn't Directed Energy Weapons make him burn and itch so bad he'd jump around?
We have those, we've used them in real combat, but they don't work like that.
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So, Gizmodo's trying to toady up to The Onion, now?
That's
Not the weirdest thing I've heard. Fuck this timeline
I don't buy it in this particular case, but "directed energy" can do some funky things: https://youtu.be/J-SH18dtBlY?si=40dOJbu4O9ZWWCsZ
(No, it's not a conspiracy theory video or any of that crap. Benn Jordan is a musician that likes all kinds of funky sound things.)
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While Havana Syndrome is real, to my knowledge it's not that refined. It should have impacted everyone in the room, Trump and the moderators included.
The known reports of the syndrome occupied entire floors of buildings. The idea that someone could use it and just target one guy is a little out there.
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I've said it many times, I will say it again: IT WAS THOSE DAMN REPTILLIANZ
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