Trans

I am 5.5 weeks on HRT now and recently noticed some different feeling tissue underneath my nipples that are definitely the beginning of my breast buds. So I'm beyond happy currently 😊

At the same time I remembered how worried I was prior to starting HRT (though I never hesitated to get closer to HRT and eventually start it) because I always thought about what if I don't like any of the changes of HRT especially the permanent ones but now I can only laugh about that because I definitely like those changes very much 😂

Started going to a psychologist, it's needed before HRT in my country. That makes me happy because I'm finally making some progress, if everything goes well I'll start HRT next year. One bad thing is that I have harder time falling asleep now because of dysphoria.

I said frack it I am going into that store now and getting a summer dress -NOW-. I can't possibly stand another summer in winter clothing.

Someone stole my progress flag :) So that's nice.

I'm trying out a different route of hrt, sublingual rather than gel. It's way more precise, but I'm having issues suppressing my T. So just trying stuff out until it works i guess.

Finally getting over a nasty sinus infection. That screwed over my whole last week. Thrilled to be standing/moving around and have enough energy to do more than sit and stare at a screen.

Making bread to make sandwiches (a couple loaves of honey oatmeal and a loaf of rye)

Going back to work tomorrow but at least pretty well rested. Was getting sick and tired of being... sick and tired.

Rar? Eugh, feels today. Also head kinda still messed from yesterday (see thing). Hmmmm lessee.

So, feels. Emotional 🧠y strugglifications are happening in various ways. Not sure I'm capable of really bonding or feeling belongy or anysuch :-\ Having weird feels about where I'm at in life (also see thing <.<;) aaand Idunno even what else. Had a lil sad about the kitty we were kittysitting for like a day having to go back with his "owner" :| Clearly the lil grey fluff belongs here on my bed :3 ... Where he did actually stay pretty much the whole time he wasn't either chewing up my electronics cablestuffs or fighting/playing with the other lil ones. What a sweet lil fuff :3

thing

So it turns out it's possible to trip on weed if you manage to use too much and also apparently I became a lightweight (regarding everything??) overnight before yesterday. Ask me how I kno- just kidding I know because I got knocked into a trip from one lil gummy and maybe a couple lil dabs <.< :| This was a very weird experience (my first trip! Woooo I guess 😅 ) that's kinda been on my mind 😅 Anyway one thing it did was put me through a bunch of different perspectives and I saw myself as a previous self and was... disgusted, afraid, alone, felt like I was lost far from home 😅 Rough, weird, unpleasant... so that BS is clattering around mucking up 🧠 as if the poor thing weren't already kindof a mouldy puddle of sludge or something.

^ So that experience was a whole bundle of strange and I wanna talk about it but I don't even know what to say 😅

Also cops stopped somecritter right out front of this place, just now :| Bleeeh!

Edit: Oh, and I'm starting to not want to be referred to as fem. Like sometimes it's actually irritating to be called a good girl, I kinda just "But am not girl <.<; :-" So this is awkward. fidgetywobble I'd blame 🧠 flaking out (especially after thing 😅 ) but it's kinda been getting worse for a while. I may be... gasp sniffle et cetera, shock and surprise and darkest genderhorror...!!! ...... !!!!! A full enby?!? ... That or my brain's just fuckin' melted. I dunno.

[Weird rambling or something?] Anway don't tell Josh, maybe he'll feel awkward or something. Also hi Josh ö/ 😅 😹 So yeah. Development of my me maybe? wiggles confusily Ooooh, there's a cute fluffy kitty! Not Soot, though, the supercuddles were taken away. I will never forgive that person for taking their cat back 😅 MJ's being sweet, though, so that's nice ^.^ petpets fluffbucket 🫳🐈

A random person walked up to me, made a Transphobic "joke", and then got pissed when I didn't find it funny.

Pretty good for now, I went to a laser game with friends and that was fun!

Today at the store the lady in charge of surveying the self checkout sir'd me really hard, which is always a pleasure (🙄)

Oh well I'm checking my levels tomorrow I think my T is slightly up so I might get to go on decapeptyl.