this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
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[–] [email protected] 50 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

Hating someone your whole life is great in movies and video games, where the hater uses their drive, intelligence, resources and lack of concern about any consequences to pull off some really amazing revenge. But in the real world, I think most of us aren't willing to go to the lengths needed to properly pay our hated back to someone. So if we can't act on our hated to the level we feel they deserve, then the only person who would suffer from that hated is the person caryring it around, day after day. Of course, never forget what they did, you don't want it to happen to you again, but forgiving isn't about letting them off the hook, it's about allowing yourself to start feeling good again.

That being said, feel however you want to feel, I ain't the feelings police. But that's how I see it.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 months ago

Thats why I forget, but dont forgive

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

I don't know if forgiving is the same thing as no longer dwelling on the feeling. Forgiveness to me means that I'll take no additional negative action towards them if given the opportunity.

It's actually pretty easy for me to forgive. All they need to do is admit wrongdoing and convince me they have no motivation to do it again. I'll even show kindness towards someone I haven't forgiven if I think it will prevent them from causing future harm.

I'm not a hateful person, but I've learned that some people cannot be won over with kindness alone. Those that bully the weak will require strength to oppose. As long as they feel like they're above you in the hierarchy, love alone won't work. Only when they feel on equal footing to you will they cooperate and listen.

I can let go of hate without forgiving. I've learned how to move on because I don't forgive. Not forgiving gives me security in future interactions, as I work towards being able to forgive. I've needed to master my emotions for other reasons, so I know my approach wouldn't be possible for most people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

I don't suffer from carrying hate. My near boundless hate doesn't do anything for my day to day, and on the off off off chance i ever get to do anything about it it'll feel so good to indulge in.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Before I read the comments I'm sure it's either jokes/memes or "this is unhealthy"

Nah fuck that. Some people deserve lifelong hate.

You don't sit there seething day after day, dwelling on it constantly.

But whenever they come up, perfectly reasonable to say "fuck that noise, piss off" and be done with it.

"forgive and forget" can eat shit and die.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It takes emotional bandwidth to carry hate, whether you think about it often or not.

It's not a question of right or wrong, or whether it's deserving or not. You're paying for it as long as you're carrying it, so I would ask if it's still worth it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

For some people, yes. Most people aren't worth it, but many are.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Have you ever bought something that seemed worth it at first, but found out later it was a bad deal?

Hate typically affects you far more than who you hold it for.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

True. That's why hate should be relinquished unless you have actual plans to use it. Even then, it needs to be toned down to keep a level head.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 6 months ago (2 children)

In other words, they live in your head rent free

[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago

I need the rich and the bigoted to live in my head. I can never forget that they are the danger, the biggest threat to my safety. They aren't living rent free, as I change my behavior as much as possible to undermine them. If they weren't on my mind, I'd fall more for their lies and wouldn't be able to fight back.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago

Jokes on them, I live in their walls rent free.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I usually get really mad for like 2 hours before realizing I don't care about anything at all

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

Getting irrationally angry about something and then being like "why am I so angry this is dumb"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I don't get why I'd ever go to therapy if all it's going to do is help me accept things. More people should not feel okay with how things are, if anything.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It is often to teach you how to cope, not just accept.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago

I'm just being funny. Humour is how I cope for the most part, so when life gets harder I just get funnier. So I must have a pretty easy life by that logic; The trauma never stood a chance. 😎

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago

Guide to depression

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago

Kaz: offered prosthetics Get that shit outta my face! I'm going to remember my missing limbs and stew in my anger!

Venom: Fuck yeah! Bionic arm!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Finally, someone who defends the dark side.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Why are we here? Just to suffer?