Who is "they"? Who is the second "they"? Who is the we in "our"? What is the question?
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who has authority to sound the Civil Defense system? who has the authority to confirm launches and who has authority to say 'our' launch? the government of your region with an ICBM... that is the answer to your first three.
The question is why do you think they wouldn't tell you about the launch counter-launch, when even one person escaping a blast zone would be better than none?
I must be missing some context because I have absolutely no idea what you're on about.
Who wouldn't tell who what and why does that matter?
you might not be up to this level of problem. come back two years after studying the psychology of panic
getting even one person out of the blast zone would be worth something.
Let's say two thousand nukes were incoming that would glass this entire half of the world.
At that point... why even fucking bother? We're talking about optimistically thirty minutes of warning but probably at most half that once we've confirmed attack and then we'd ask the president (let's say two minutes) and have two choices: do we inform the public and do we counter attack.
The response to the first question is going to depend on how religious the president is - do they think people would want to pray before dying? Otherwise, why stress people out when there's literally nothing you can do. Everyone is about to die, ignorant bliss is probably the best way to spend your last moments.
The second question is more interesting. A country has erased you from the map, do you erase them? Logically, no, what's done is done and you'll just be increasing the chances that no humans survive the next centuries of apocalyptic conditions. Let them live on and forgive their aggression... of course you should never say that'll be your response, if someone asks say "We'll turn the planet into molten glass. Fuck everyone"... but when push comes to shove a rational person wouldn't counterstrike.