this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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There IS a correct answer, though. If someone says, "My name is John", you don't get to tell them, "Well you look like a James to me, so I'm only going to call you James". That would be incorrect. You don't get to define other people's existence like that.
Same thing. 'John' isn't a preferred name. It's his name. Calling him a different name would be incorrect just like using different pronouns.
We had a temp receptionist called Joyce at my job. She said that at her old job they called her Mama J, and indicated that she would like to be called that here as well. I guess we were all assholes who defined her existence by calling her Joyce.
Nicknames aren’t pronouns, they’re nicknames. If her legal name was Mama J and you didn’t call her that, yeah, that would probably constitute harassment over time and her asking you to call her by her legal name.
What would actually be comparable is if you addressed her with male pronouns. Since the discussion was about pronouns, not nicknames.