this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2024
880 points (95.5% liked)
ADHD
9694 readers
27 users here now
A casual community for people with ADHD
Values:
Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.
Rules:
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
- No porn, gore, spam, or advertisements allowed.
- Do not request for donations.
- Do not link to other social media or paywalled content.
- Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- No racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, or ageism.
- Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
- Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
- Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).
Encouraged:
- Funny memes.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our values.
Relevant Lemmy communities:
lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I used to get that question a lot when I was a kid. I always politely said "no thanks".
It turns out my face always said "Are you fucking stupid? I understand how to heat things" while I was trying to be a little polite. I found this out when I visited my parents recently and found out that, while I'm still trying to be polite, my face still tells my mom that I'm capable of deciding on the temperature of my food.
My face says things that I don't mean to say even when I'm trying not to be an ass.
So they went to the trouble to point out what your reaction looks like, but they have not once in x decades reconsidered the strategy of asking you annoying questions.
People that ask annoying questions never do.
My mom is super loving and well meaning. She just has a "not the way I want it" problem.
Ahh the ol' parental, "I'm cold, so you need to put in a jumper!"
My face is the same. I remember someone trying to start an argument with me because my face apparently didn't match what I had said. I was incredibly confused because no one had ever pointed it out to me before so he was telling me about my facial expression and I was disagreeing because I had no idea.
You mean she's still asking? It might not be you who needs to try not to be an ass.
She's a mother. That's what mothers do. They don't see their babies as fully grown men / women, they remember the tiny kid that she could hold with one hand when stirring soup with the other. If you weren't a 100kg, 185cm chunk of flesh she would still be doing it if she could. Asking about the food temperature, if it's good, is part of it, even if you've eaten the same favourite meal for 20 years straight and it is perfect every time. Asking if you want a sandwich, or if she should make a simple meal is too. It's not that you can't, or you are too grown up to need someone to make you a sandwich. It simply is their way of showing that they care about you.
And I am saying this as a guy who still gets told that colder food upsets the stomach, being asked if I need any food in a house literally stocked to the ceilling in the kitchen. Being upset about such a tiny thing is really narcisistic.
Thank you for putting it in perspective! I have a very similar mother, and it tends to drive me absolutely mental whenever I visit - but next time I'm home I'm going to remember what you wrote.