this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
74 points (91.1% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35393 readers
6 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

It's not that I can't. The problem is that when I'm with someone, I deeply yearn to be alone. I'd love to have my life for myself, with no responsibility with no one else - just me.

But then, when I'm alone, I feel like a failure, like I need a relationship to feel complete, and I fucking hate that. So I end up in another relationship, and after two years I can't stand it anymore, and the cycle repeats.

What the hell. Has anyone suffered from something like that? How can you be alone and not feel lonely? How to kill this need to be with someone?

EDIT: Thanks for all the answers, I'm taking every single one into consideration. Please, keep them coming.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Relationships are about giving. It's a cliche, but the more you put into a relationship, the more you're going to get out of it. And I don't mean this in the transactional sense. I don't mean you do something nice for your partner then they do something nice for you in return. It's more like: the more you value the person, the more you will feel fulfilled when you do loving things for them. It's easier to understand when you're doing it. This didn't mean you sacrifice all of your own wants and needs for the other person. However, a "me first" mindset is looking at a loving relationship backwards. You should want to make the other person happy, they should be a big priority in your life. A person is not a product that we buy and then hope we like owning it.

I learned these things the hard way. 35 years later and I still have deep regrets.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I have trouble giving, specially after surviving a long abusive marriage. I divorced years ago but I guess some scars still remains.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Give yourself some grace - I noted in my reply that my husband, coming out of an abusive relationship had the string of two years relationships but we are solid, twelve years now and it doesn't feel like a long time. I had a different experience, though also was coming out of a relationship that had become physically abusive. There are things I have had to unlearn.

You say you are working with a therapist, that should help, but again, you aren't broken. All of what you are feeling sounds normal.