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"Men are bad at picking up on women's hints." What are your actual thoughts on this sentiment? (lemmy.world)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Either through memes or comments I keep seeing this sentiment pop-up from time to time. And I'm wondering what your (yes, you) consensus is on it.

I for one am too pessimistic to do anything with potential hints. Like even if there is a good chance I still just don't want to risk it.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

There are multiple layers to this hornet's nest of a topic. But from a personal perspective, I know I was (still am?) terrible at reading such interest from women. Luckily, I'm happily married, so I don't need to worry about it now.

In the past I've literally had to have women launch themselves at me or graphically proposition me before I was aware that they were really into me. And even then it was often a surprise. And there were a few times I asked out girls who I knew and seemed to have done chemistry with, and they recoiled in alarm. And I'm a fairly average neuro-typical guy. So yeah, I think some of us definitely have trouble reading the interest of women in those one-on-one situations.

Quite a few of my make friends have run into similar experiences. While a few others assumed any woman who spoke to them must be into them. Which is, of course, the other side of the same 'unable to read women' coin.

But adding to all that, there are all the tricky social obstacles to navigate. Things like:

a minority of women wanting to be chased off they said no to an approach (depending on who was approaching them, of course); or
worries about making women feel threatened or distressed by offering an unwanted advance;
or how it's sometimes difficult to differentiate between a purely platonic friendship, or a pure romantic friendship, or one that the woman wants to transition from the former to the latter;
or just realizing a woman is into you but feigning ignorance because you (the guy) isn't into her and doesn't want to exploit her for sex or ruin a social group dynamic.

So yeah, it's a fucking (pun intended) mess.