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What is a gender neutral replacement for man, guys, buddy, etc? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So I've realized that in conversations I'll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I've been thinking that it's not as inclusive to women/trans people.

For example I would say:

"What's up guys?" "How's it going man?" "Good job, my dude!” etc.

Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y'all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.

So what are some better options?

Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.

The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

It's context-dependent. "They" as gender-neutral was also considered context-dependent until recently.

"I met someone and they said..." would have been accepted generally
"I met a woman and they said..." is only recently acceptable.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I agree that it can sometimes be gender neutral. I do not agree that it is gender neutral.

Referring to a group of people with a trans woman in it as "you guys" is passive aggressive for example.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

It would be worse to treat trans women differently than other women.

Some people object to this usage of "you guys." Some people also object to "y'all." I know someone who dislikes "y'all" because it reminds them of confederacy and slavery.

If there is someone who expresses discomfort with certain words, it's usually best to avoid those words in their presence.

By the way, nobody can be expected to know whether or not a woman they are talking to is transgender. "You guys" should not be avoided for the sake of trans women if it isn't avoided for the sake of all women.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Literally a trans woman. It is also rude to cis women but cis women don't really worry about being misgendered the same way.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Literally a cis woman. I'll avoid calling you you guys. My trans friends approve of its usage though. I don't find its usage rude when applied to me. Please don't try to play the identity card just to win an argument.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

How much have you read on setting male as the default as it relates to misogyny?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I'll take s/actress/actor/g any day of the week.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I'm not invalidating your experiences, and you do you. I wouldn't put it past shitty people to use it passive-aggressively as a way to misgender someone, and if you've experienced that, I am truly sorry you've had to deal with such shitheads.

At the same time, I know plenty of trans and cis women that don't see it as rude or invalidating of their gender identity, and even use it themselves to refer to groups of people with mixed genders.

It's a matter of boundaries and knowing one's company. Some people are cool with it, and some people aren't. It would be nice if everyone was using ungendered terms by default, but that's going to take a while, unfortunately.