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Have you ever felt ostracized for being Dad? (feddit.uk)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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One of the first things I noticed when we embarked on this great adventure was just how tailed to Mum everything seemed to be.

I get it, they're likely to be the ones doing the majority of the caregiving, but still, as a hands-on dad I couldn't help but feel a little...pushed out by things. Nothing massive for sure, but little things like how a good chunk of the online resources are written as if Mum is reading exclusively. Or how pretty much every baby group in my area is advertised as a Mum and Baby group. It's far from the end of the world, but it can be pretty intimidating and unwelcoming to a new Dad.

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[+] [email protected] -31 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (5 children)

I hear you, and felt it too. And then feminism called and said that's basicaly what it feels like to be a woman, always.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Look, I see the point you're making, and it's technically probably true. However, it's never appropriate to dismiss somebody's pain, injustice, or exclusion with this type of whataboutism.

I promise our hearts are strong enough to sympathize with multiple problems in the world simultaneously.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

*Apart from the mother and baby groups, which we are talking about right here.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Oh cool! Translating large systemic issues into an individual's situation, where they are just trying to be an effective parent. Compelling stuff!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

This affects women too. If men don't feel welcome it just puts more pressure on mums to be the one out of work on parental leave, to be the one who does school collections, baby changes at restaurants, etc...

I say this as a dad who has experienced all of the above. I do 90% of the school and nursery collections and drop-offs and will never be part of the mum group at the gates. My wife goes once a week and still knows everyone there better than me.

It doesn't bother me personally, but i do think my kids end up missing out as a result. Whether it's a group they don't go to as a baby because it's mums only, or activities at the weekend because I'm not in the right WhatsApp group.

However, my wife's career is important, and my job has flexible working hours, so that's the situation we are in. It's not fair that we have to consider what's best for her vs what's best for her children.