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What's a good and non patronising way to help my neighbour out (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.

Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.

She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son's birthday is on Monday and she won't be able to do anything for his birthday now.

My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I'm unsure how.

One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.

Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that's her job, and we're too busy to do it ourselves right now).

I don't want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this... Happy to take insights.

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[–] [email protected] 94 points 10 months ago (4 children)

My two cents: bottom line she needs the cash, and fast. Don't worry about pride. Don't have her do your garden work if you're not hiring her because of her skills.

You can ask if there is anything you can do to help and don't be vague about wanting to give financial support. If she says she won't take your money, call it a loan. Make it very clear the the first priority is that this cat is healthy and the kid has a nice birthday. Money, pride, all that stuff comes not even second. Not even third.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

People's emotional well-being is arguably more important than their financial well-being. The latter's value is in supporting the former (along with basic physical needs, which in this case seem to be taken care of). So yeah, taking some time to consider how a financial donation might impact someone's feelings is worth it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Yeah, imo the way to handle it is to be straightforward about it, but ultimately leave the choice to her. Something like, "We love Stevie too and want to help any way we can, and we know how hard an unexpected expense like this can be, so if you'll let us, we'd love to pay for the vet bill so you don't have to worry and can have a nice time on Monday with your kid."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Loans suck. Even if it's a "loan" where you don't expect it back, it has a weird obligation that the receiving person has on their mind that in some way shape or form they either have to pay it back or feel bad they can't. It can ruin some relationships.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Some people won't take a loan either. Maybe put the money in the mail box in an envelope? Or is that too secretive?