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Visiting my hometown and feeling a bit sad (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I'm not supposed to be here or something, it's very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.

The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I'm currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it's really a weird feeling in here too.

I don't know what I expected but I definitely don't feel like I'm "home". It's like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There's still some people I'm yet to see and I wonder how that's gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.

Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Also from the south here, living in California these days. And the part about everyone settling is so accurate. As for seeing the positives, I will say that this place went from being a not well known and somewhat poor community to being in the top 10 fastest growing cities after covid. So it's at least nice to see the care given to it from the state improving. And the childhood home memories are definitely something I hadn't thought of either until now. The fact that my memories here are both good AND bad. Thanks for the response, really made me think with this one!