this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2024
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iPhone bad.
Life was SO INCONVENIENT back in my day! It was SO AWESOME that I had to do all of this DUMB SHIT because KIDS THESE DAYS could NEVER use the Ball Crusher 2900 TO FIND THEIR FRIENDS HOUSE! People are SO STUPID letting technology do things for them! When the COLLAPSE HAPPENS I will be the ONLY ONE LEFT while all these DUMB IPAD KIDS will die immediately (as long as I can find the technology that I also rely on for my livelihood, coffee amirite?!?)! I’m a communist, I just think the MAJORITY OF THE WORKING CLASS IN THE COUNTRY I LIVE IN are INFERIOR BEINGS and are incapable of understanding the IMMENSE BRAINPOWER I emit from my ANUS after I dopamine fast for 78 DAYS STRAIGHT!
WASN’T IT SO COOL that we had to store porn in the forest? Hahaha, I LOVED going to extreme lengths hiding things from my parents who would BEAT ME if they had even the slightest indication I was a sexual being!
I LOVE THE BALL CRUSHING FACTORY! Kids these days using the BALL CRUSHING SUBSTITUTE DEVICE have NO IDEA how to REALLY LIVE. Their lives are stuck in the COMMUNICATION DEVICE instead of playing outside with the INSTANT DEATH BRICK LOCOMOTIVES and the MURDER VIRUS. In my day, I would just get the MURDER VIRUS and when my niece FUCKING DIED when they caught it from me, we would just LIVE WITH IT! The GRAY SKIES and SHITTY WEATHER are just hallucinations caused by COMMUNICATION DEVICE, stop living in fear and GO OUTSIDE!
What’s a SYSTEMIC INCENTIVE? Everyone I think is stupider than me just does it BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID. That’s not tautological, you’re just COPING AND SEETHING from my EPIC DUNK! I always tell people to JUST READ A BOOK, even though I still haven’t grasped concepts as complicated as SYSTEMIC STRUCTURES or the inherent INFLUENCE THAT ECONOMIC SYSTEMS PLAY ON OUR PSYCHOLOGY.
CORPORATIONS EXPLOITING US? No, it's just that the dumb normies can't GET OFF THEIR DAMN PHONE, everyone should have the sheer willpower required to resist BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!
Aren’t you NOSTALGIC for the DAYS OF THE BALL CRUSHER?
I get your frustration. But the iphone and all other smartphones modelled after it is a locked device designed primarily for consumption and not creation, where you have no control over the software (which is surveilling you 24/7) because it was written by egotistical bazingabrains who think anyone other than a computer toucher is a moron who should be treated like a literal toddler. If the software is not designed to surveil you, then it was written by some pedophile libertarian to keep you in a constant cycle of rage or alienate you from your peers so that all social interaction becomes a commodity they control.
I'm a zoomer. smartphones came out when I was a toddler, I'm not pining for some bygone era, I'm talking about the downsides of a system I was born into. I used to suffer from so much social alienation as a result of so much social interaction being funneled through a screen. I have seen so many of my peers turn into maladjusted weirdos because they spent their formative years being socialized by 30 year old basement dwellers over the internet.
Suicide
I almost killed myself during COVID because of this shit.The worst part is that none of these downsides are inherent to the technology, it just happens to all be created by soulless SV bazinga brains who jack off to creating the torment nexus. I literally became an electrical engineering major because I wanted to make computers that didn't suck ass.
No, see, I agree, I just see too many people who are pining for a bygone era. “iPhone bad” isn’t stupid because it’s wrong, it’s stupid because it’s simplistic
please add (cw: suicide)
Just stay home and read a book. My favorite series was animorphs (also goosebumps).
Edit: oh, just noticed you addressed the book thing. Well play a game or something, we had consoles back then, remember?
This is not a comeback
Playing Tetris on my Game Boy in four shades of puke green was the shit
new tagline???