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I've tried that more times than actual in person therapy and it's extremely hard for me to form the emotional attachment necessary for me to let my guard down and bare my thoughts and feelings.
It feels so fake and forced. I feel more like a subject being examined than a patient there for care
Your mileage may vary, but have you tried over the phone instead of video chat (if it's an option where you live)? I felt exactly the same about video, but something about over the phone felt chill, I could just "chat with a friend" in my pajamas. Helped me a lot and neither my therapist or I ever actually saw each other.
Or even just messages. I believe that betterhelp offers purely messages for therapy, which would maybe help start a more trusting relationship first. And they could either stick with messages, or if they’re comfortable, move to voice therapy
At the end of the day with therapy you get out what you put in. They can't help you work through issues if they don't know what they are.
I recently had a breakdown and attended therapy. I decided from the start I'd just be completely open and throw everything I have at them.
It was massively helpful and has transformed my life.
It's their job to listen and not judge and they've definitely heard much much worse stuff.
I get that, but for what it’s worth… You really can kind of just dump it on them. They’re not allowed to share it, and they’re often happy to just get to the point sometimes. Though it does feel more transactional that way.
yeah tele medicine isn't always great. the bond is important, and it's harder to build that way.
keep checking out your town. even a small town is gonna have a decent number of therapists. don't worry too much about their expertise. if they're licensed, they have the training to help you. trust that and focus on the bond.