this post was submitted on 18 Dec 2023
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Stay that way if you can...
I had a pretty bad trip which resulted in an ego death. I'm not sure how I kept my job after it, I was basically a walking zombie for a good 2 months. Took about 18 months to connect back to reality and even now 7 years later I'm not the same person.
I don't mean to invalidate your experience at all but I don't think that's what people commonly think of when referring to "ego death". In my experience it's shorter and fades with the trip. Experiences that long sounds like it triggerered something. Are you familiar with depersonalization and rerealization? I've experienced something similar to those, unrelated to a trip, that lasted a few months.
I'm really sorry you had to navigate that. I've had (mostly) positive experiences with psychedelics but this is a good reminder to not recommend them freely.
Yeah ok those explain it a bit better.
I completely became detached from myself. Even in a wild dream where you may look different etc you're still you, what I did to myself I was not only not me at some points I wasn't even a person or an animal.. was mould and ink and a single atom.. shit sounds crazy stupid typing it now but it was very real when it was happening
Doesn't sound stupid to me at all. I've definetely looked over some edges (metaphorically) before
Same. I've had ego death before, tripped hundreds of times, I've always been, and will continue to be, an advocate for psychedelic drugs, mostly mushrooms. But that last trip (mushrooms) was so bad, I was begging my wife to call 911 (convinced I was dying of a heart attack). She was on even more than I was and handled it like a champ, reminding me I was on mushrooms and even slapped a Fitbit on my wrist (which I couldn't read lol) to show me I was not having a heart attack. I'll never know how she managed to deal with me in that state. But ever since that night, even if I smoke weed I start to get that panicked feeling from that trip. I realize of course now that I had a panic attack in the moments leading to the ego death and after it became so strong I could no longer panic, said my goodbyes (lol) and accepted my fate. It was pure hell.
I'm convinced my mind is too fragile to experience that ever again and I will not ever take that chance again. It took months to recover and I was even prescribed Klonopin to ease the continuing panic attacks during the following weeks.
Mushrooms can be an amazing, beautiful, life changing drug, but it can also kick your fucking ass so bad you'll be feeling the effects of that ass whooping for the rest of your life. In retrospect I'm glad I had that experience but do not wish to repeat it. I've had bad trips many times but that was straw that broke this camels back.
Long story short, trips can be a learning experience that can't be obtained anywhere else, but know that they can leave lasting effects (mostly positive, but not always) that will change you on a fundamental level.
The panic attack was the exact same as me although I'd never experienced a panic attack or even mild anxiety before then so it took me about 5 or 6 more panic attacks in the following months to work out what was happening. Was a wild few months there just randomly thinking I was dying.